June 7, 2018
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the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association’s Board of Directors or its membership.
SERVICE FOR JUDGE DON CHAPMAN THIS COMING SUNDAY
For those of you who knew, had dealings with and/or appeared in Judge Chapman’s court, this is his obit that appeared in last Sunday’s Mercury News…
Judge Robert Donald Chapman
October 30, 1925 — May 25, 2018
Resident of San Jose
Judge Robert Donald (Don) Chapman passed away May 23, 2018 in his home in San Jose, California. He was a pioneer in the Santa Clara County legal field and a loving family man. Don was born in Berkeley, California on October 30, 1925. He was the oldest of five rambunctious boys. He dropped out of high school during World War II to join the Navy. Upon his return he went back to school, graduating from UC Berkeley and University of San Francisco Law School. He married Doris Mary Pederson and while he worked in the Alameda County Public Defender’s Office they had four children. In 1965 he founded a public defender’s office in Santa Clara: forging connections with other county offices, establishing ethics and procedures and hiring staff, many of whom later went on to the bench. Governor Ronald Reagan appointed him to the municipal court bench. A few years later he ran for, and won, a Superior Court judgeship. He served for decades. He taught evidence and criminal procedure at Santa Clara County Law School and at various state and national legal associations. Upon retirement he acted as arbitrator with Judicial Arbitration and Mediation Services (JAMS). Don played golf whenever he could and was the second president at Almaden Country Club. He was a great storyteller and entertainer. He loved spending time with his family. Don is survived by his devoted children Susan Chapman of San Jose, Janet McDaniel (John) of Mountain View, Teresa Chapman of Ft. Mohave, Arizona, and Robert (Bob) Chapman (Donna) of Copperopolis, California, his brother Allen Chapman (Jane) of Reno, Nevada, and his grandchildren Tricia Gail Boyer (David) of Monterey, Daniel Chapman of San Jose, James McDaniel (Bre) of San Jose, Jeffrey McDaniel of Riverside, Jessica Harter (Max) of Rosamond, Kelli Chapman of Copperopolis, five great grandchildren and also Christy Jaramillo of Puyallup, Washington, Steven (Dawn) Pistor of Peoria, Arizona, Paulina Joachim of Auburn, and Tim Carney (Rhonda) of San Carlos. He was preceded in death by his wife Doris Pederson, by his second wife Ella Pistor, and by his brothers Harold, Douglas, Kenneth and adopted brother Jim Barnett.
Friends and family are invited to a memorial service on June 10, 2018 at 1:00 p.m. at Darling & Fischer, 615 Santa Cruz Avenue, Los Gatos, California 95030.
The June Membership Meeting has been cancelled.
Please keep in mind that the July Membership Meeting will be on Tuesday, July 10th, due to the holiday.
We are in collaboration with the City of San Jose and the San Jose Police Foundation to create a permanent memorial to honor our fallen Police Officers.
Together with your help we can reach the project’s budget of $450,000. One-hundred percent of all contributions will directly support the creation and maintenance of the memorial.
Please click HERE to learn more about this memorial and to make a donation.
While we were attending the Major Chiefs Conference in Nashville, we received tragic news. Sergeant Daniel Baker of the Dickson County Sheriffs Department was killed yesterday after initiating a vehicle stop. The suspect, Steven Wiggins, shot and killed Sergeant Baker and fled the scene. The suspect is still at large. The scene of this horrible event is only 50 miles west of us as we attend the conference. Feeling helpless as always during these situations, we and other large associations decided to try to help in any way we could.
The New York Sergeants Benevolent Association, Los Angeles Police Protective League, San Francisco Police Officers Association and your POA stepped up and offered a $20,000 reward for the capture and conviction of suspect Wiggins. At the time we offered this reward, the current reward was only at $2,500. We will be here in Tennessee supporting this Sheriffs Department and others that are affected on your behalf.
Our letter reads as follows:
Paul and Sean
We wanted to provide an update on the horrific murder of Sgt. Daniel Baker of the Dickson County Sheriff’s Department in Tennessee. The efforts of law enforcement have not been met in vain. The subject wanted in connection with Sgt. Baker’s murder was taken into custody earlier this morning by local law enforcement.
Please click on the two links below, which describe the capture of the suspect and the reward that our Association helped contribute to:
CBS NEWS: Suspect in fatal shooting of Tennessee sheriff’s deputy in custody
THE TENNESSEAN: Authorities: Woman watched Steven Wiggins kill Dickson deputy; $46,000 reward for his capture.
It can seem very obvious but let this be a great example of when law enforcement is faced with unspeakable tragedies, we will stand together, rise together, and overpower the forces of evil that the men and women in blue face everyday!
Paul & Sean
THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF SAN JOSE AND THE SJPD
—Nothing noteworthy this week beyond the June Primary election results—
EMERALD SOCIETY INFO…
NEW RETIREES’ ASSN. NEWSLETTER NOW ONLINE
The latest electronic version of the Billy & Spanner is now available on-line. Thank you to all who have agreed to receive the on-line version of the newsletter. Click HERE to download it to your desktop.
INFO FOR ALL POLICE RETIREES
Some of you may have been tracking the issue related to the disability application process due to San Jose’s Measure F that was scheduled to be heard by the Retirement Board on June 7 (Item 4(f)). The Association has raised significant questions with the Board on this issue. As a result, the item has been deferred until August. So, if you planned on attending the June meeting for this purpose, please make the appropriate adjustments to your schedule. We will inform you of any major developments.
GUN RAFFLE TO BENEFIT THE CHAPLAINCY
KKC BBQ INFO…
A LIKELY WIN FOR LAURIE SMITH DESPITE THE NEGATIVE PUBLICITY
When the Daily Mail in London publishes an article on the trials and tribulations of Sheriff Laurie Smith’s bid for another term, it’s obvious that the publisher felt the story has legs. (It can be seen by clicking HERE.) Meanwhile, Blue Lives Matter also picked up on the story and presented it this way…
Three Former Employees Are Accusing Sheriff Laurie Smith Of Sexual Harassment
By Holly Matkin
Blue Lives Matter — June 1, 2018
Three Santa Clara County Sheriff’s Department employees
have come forward with allegations against Sheriff Laurie Smith.
San Jose, CA – California’s first female sheriff has denied allegations that she sexually harassed at least three former employees over the course of her decades with the Santa Clara County Sheriff’s Department.
The accusations against Santa Clara County Sheriff Laurie Smith came to light in April, after one of the men – a 30-year correctional officer – submitted his letter of retirement, KGO reported.
“You will recall how, on multiple occasions, you sexually harassed me,” the officer wrote in the letter, which was sent specifically to Sheriff Smith.
That letter has become part of the Santa Clara County Sheriff’s Department’s Equal Opportunity Department (EOD) investigation.
“He had experienced sexual harassment from Sheriff Smith and remained silent or largely silent, I should say, over the years fearing retaliation,” the officer’s attorney, Josh Boxer explained.
The officer said that Sheriff Smith first propositioned him when she was his supervisor at the Main Jail, KGO reported.
The officer explained that the sheriff touched herself in a way that made him uncomfortable.
During a second instance, the officer said Sheriff Smith “suggestively handled a police baton,” KGO reported.
The final occasion took place as they were both working the 1994 World Cup at Stanford Stadium, the officer said.
During that instance, Sheriff Smith propositioned him in a trailer, he said.
The officer, who asked not to be identified to help protect his children, has since filed a lawsuit alleging age and disability discrimination, harassment, and retaliation, KGO reported.
Boxer said he planned to depose Sheriff Smith in the next month or two, but that the county has been objecting.
“Our case continues to grow,” Boxer told KGO. “And it’s certainly bolstered by the other individuals who have come forward as well with similar stories of harassment.”
Former undercover narcotics Officer Gary Brady said that Sheriff Smith propositioned him during a convention in November of 1991.
Sheriff Smith was second-in-command at the department at the time, and had joined in a night of drinking with Officer Brady and other department personnel, he said.
Officer Brady noted that he and Sheriff Smith were both married, but that they wound up having an encounter in an unmarked patrol unit parked outside a hotel.
“She undressed and she got on top of me and she wanted me to do some things that I’m embarrassed to talk about now,” Officer Brady told KGO.
He said he cut the encounter short, and told her it was “time to go.”
Officer Brady said that Sheriff Smith retaliated against him after the incident by removing him from the Allied Agencies Narcotics Enforcement Team, so he confronted her.
“I always remember her vein on the left side just standing up,” he told KGO. “And she told me, ‘It’s about time the females in this department get the good jobs.'”
Officer Brady went on to file a gender discrimination grievance with the department, and later filed a sexual harassment complaint with the county, but both of his claims were denied, he said.
According to Officer Brady, investigators admitted to him that they spoke with a few of his witnesses, but not everyone.
“Maybe Laurie Smith liked you,” one of the investigators told him, according to Officer Brady.
A third employee, former Deputy Ed Albanoski, alleged that Sheriff Smith made sexual advances towards him one day in the late 1980s as he was on his lunch break at the Elmwood Women’s Jail.
“She had her uniform shirt unbuttoned down to like the third button, not wearing a t-shirt, not wearing a bra, and kind of exposing herself to me,” Deputy Albanoski told KGO. She then asked him to go out for drinks on two occasions that day, but he said he declined.
Deputy Albanoski was later injured in the line of duty, and was out on disability for two years before he went to then-Assistant Sheriff Smith to talk about rejoining the department.
“I was basically pleading with her to get my job back,” he said. “She goes, ‘Well, you should have been nicer to me at Elmwood.’”
Deputy Albanoski and Officer Brady said they have no plans to file lawsuits against Sheriff Smith or the department, but that they wanted voters to hear their stories before the sheriff’s election.
Sheriff Smith has adamantly denied the men’s allegations and insinuated that their personnel files held unfavorable information about them.
“It’s all false. Absolutely false,” she told KGO. “If you get a waiver from them for their personnel records that would probably tell you a lot.”
But despite the officers’ signed waivers, the department has not yet provided any material that raised questions about the officers’ credibility, KGO reported.
Sheriff Smith has served five terms in her current position, and has been a member of the sheriff’s department for 45 years, the Daily Mail reported.
She is up for reelection on Tuesday.
Click HERE and scroll down to review the readers’ comments about this story.
Despite the negative publicity and the Mercury News’ endorsement of her primary opponent, former Undersheriff John Hirokawa, Laurie Smith appears to stand an excellent chance of serving another 4 years as the Sheriff of Santa Clara Co. The Mercury News ran the following story the morning after Tuesday’s election…
Sheriff Race Appears Headed for Surprise Runoff
—Smith, Hirokawa eye November election battle—
By Robert Salonga <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Mercury News — June 6, 2018
Santa Clara County Sheriff Laurie Smith, who is seeking a sixth term, appears to be headed for a surprise runoff after a spirited challenge by John Hirokawa, her former undersheriff and second-in-command. Initial returns Tuesday night showed Smith falling short of surpassing the 50 percent vote threshold to avoid a runoff election in November. Smith has not dealt with a runoff since her first election in 1998.
“I expected there to be a runoff. With five people in the race, mathematically, it’s difficult to win in a primary,” Smith said. “But I’m really encouraged by the numbers. I’m looking forward to a tough-fought race for the next five months. We’ve got a good team in place and I know we will prevail.”
Hirokawa was one of four challengers vying to unseat Smith, along with retired Sheriff’s Lt. Jose Salcido, Deputy Joe La Jeunesse, and retired San Jose police sergeant Martin Monica.
“It’s very positive, for a person who’s never been in politics before maybe forcing a runoff in November,” Hirokawa said. “(The results) show that the majority of people want change.”
La Jeunesse had a strong showing in early returns, given that he polled a distant third heading into Tuesday’s primary election. Salcido and Monica also outperformed earlier polling.
Hirokawa was Smith’s strongest challenger, capturing the endorsement of the deputies union while Smith won the endorsement of the correctional officers union. Both sparred over who was to blame and who led reforms after the infamous beating death of mentally ill inmate Michael Tyree in 2015 at the hands of three jail deputies who were later convicted of murder.
In San Mateo County, Sheriff Carlos Bolanos was comfortably fending off challenger Mark Melville to win his first full term. The Board of Supervisors appointed Bolanos, then undersheriff, to the post in 2016 after Greg Munks stepped down for health reasons.
Melville, a veteran patrol deputy, had pointed to Bolanos and Munks’ detainment at a Las Vegas brothel 11 years ago as a key reason why voters should elect him to be the county’s top cop. Bolanos argued his challenger lacked the necessary executive experience to be sheriff.
WITH THE LIBERAL POLITICS OF THE STARBUCKS CEO, IS THIS A SURPRISE?
It was reported a few days ago that the founder and Chairman of Starbucks — Howard Schultz — is stepping down and that he may consider a run for POTUS.
Starbucks Employees Say ‘Bias’ Training Was Mostly Anti-Cop Propaganda
By Sandy Malone
Blue Lives Matter — June 2, 2018
Employees who attended Starbucks’ unconscious bias training
on Tuesday said the seminar was all about police brutality
Philadelphia, PA – Employees of color who attended the highly-publicized “unconscious bias training” for Starbucks employees on Tuesday have reported it was more of a lesson on police brutality than anything else.
Starbucks closed 8,000 stores for several hours on May 30 to facilitate seminars for its employees after the coffee shop was at the forefront of a racial controversy in April.
“It felt like we were off task the entire time because we didn’t reflect on the situation itself,” a black 18-year-old Starbucks employee called “Tina” told Philadelphia Magazine.
“The training materials focused a lot on police brutality, which had nothing to do with the incident that happened,” Tina said.
She was referring to the incident that occurred at a Philadelphia Starbucks on April 12 when two black men were arrested for trespassing after employees called the police because they hadn’t purchased anything and refused to leave.
On that occasion, despite the controversy that surrounded their ejection from the coffee shop, no force was used to remove the men, and there have been zero allegations of police brutality.
In fact, the Philadelphia police commissioner instituted a new policy after the incident that required Starbucks employees to address company policy and commit to pressing charges before officers will make an arrest in one of their stores.
But employees claimed the training seminar was mostly a waste of time.
“I was really disappointed when I walked out of there because I was expecting so much more,” Tina said.
Another employee that Philadelphia Magazine called “Jamie” said that the Starbucks representative running the session he attended did not even address the incident that had spawned the bias training. He said nobody talked about it unless somebody asked a specific question.
Instead of discussing the incident, participants were asked to complete a journal with questions about their feelings about their own race. They were also asked about their natural hair and how often friends of different races visited their homes.
“It’s weird they focused so heavily on how we feel about our racial identity, because how is that going to help me deal with a homeless person using drugs in my bathroom?” asked Jamie, who is Puerto Rican.
“You’re a multi-billion dollar company, and you don’t have anything. It felt inconsiderate to bring about this event with no real way to attack the problems,” he complained.
Jamie said the training “beat around the bush” and didn’t tackle the actual issue of racial tension head on.
Some employees said the “training” videos that were shown were very disturbing and didn’t seem to have anything to do with the problems at hand.
“At one point, a girl at my table actually had to get up and leave because video after video they showed black people being assaulted by police or black people being verbally assaulted and white people being racially biased toward people of color. It offended her. She left after that,” Jamie said.
“The videos of cops knocking people down and fighting people were really disturbing,” Tina told Philadelphia Magazine. “I told them I didn’t like the video and they told me they understood and that I was open to give my opinion.”
She said she couldn’t figure out what police brutality had to do with the implicit bias they were supposed to be learning about.
“They went too deep into it and missed the point all at the same time,” Tina complained.
“We got too deep into black history and got past what I thought was the point of the session,” Tina told Philadelphia Magazine that one of the videos they watched went back to lunch-counter sit-ins of the 1960s.
She said the only useful thing employees received at the training sessions was a written guide of how to implement Starbucks’ new procedures for “Addressing Disruptive Behaviors.”
The Quick Reference Guide provided to baristas with guidelines to help them assess the situation, “consider how your decision will impact the customer experience,” and take action if the situation warranted it.
Starbucks employees are supposed to decide whether the customer is safe to approach, ask themselves if they would take this same action with any other customer, and then check to make sure their planned actions fit with Starbucks’ “Missions and Values.”
Making coffee for a living has suddenly become much more complicated.
Click HERE to review the readers’ comments about this article.
ODDS ARE THE FBI HAS AN OPENING — WANT TO APPLY?
Off-Duty FBI Agent Accidentally Shoots Man While Dancing At Bar
By Officer Blue
Blue Lives Matter — June 3, 2018
An FBI Agent is under investigation after accidentally shooting a man in a bar.
Denver, CO – An FBI agent is under investigation for accidentally shooting a man while dancing off-duty at a bar.
The shooting was captured on video (below.)
The incident happened 12:45 a.m. Saturday morning at Mile High Spirits, according to The Denver Post.
Video shows the off-duty FBI agent dancing. While dancing, the agent did a backflip which caused his gun to drop out and hit the ground.
The gun didn’t fire when it hit the ground, but while picking up the gun, the agent appears to have put his ‘booger hook’ on the bang switch.
The gun fired, and a male onlooker was shot in the leg.
A witness told KDVR, “Everyone was kind of shocked after it happened because [the agent] kind of put his gun back away and then he walked away.”
The victim was transported to the hospital and has a “good prognosis,” according to KDVR.
Denver PD responded, and took the FBI agent to police headquarters before releasing him to an FBI supervisor. The agent was not identified.
The Denver homicide unit is investigating the incident, and CBS4 reports that they drew blood from the agent to determine if alcohol was a factor.
After the blood test results are back, the investigation will be forwarded to the district attorney’s office to make a decision on what criminal charges will be filed.
Click HERE to see ABC news coverage of the incident. (1:43)
And you can click HERE to review the readers’ comments about the incident.
IS THERE HOPE FOR CONSERVATIVES IN CALIFORNIA?
Hoover Fellow Victor David Hansen penned an interesting opinion piece on the future of the Golden State. Like we have done in the past with lengthy articles, we’ll feed you the first few paragraphs and you can decide if you want to click on the link that follows and read more…
California and Conservatism
By Victor Davis Hanson — Hoover Institution
National Review — June 3, 2018
Reagan at his ranch, April 1985
I share some of the sentiments of Jay Nordlinger’s Corner post expressing confidence that some day in the future there may be hope for California conservatism. That’s why I continue to live in the house that I grew up in, despite vast changes in the nature of the rural community I was born into. But I would take sharp issue with Jay’s statement that current critics of the direction of the state are somehow either prejudicial or dispirited. He wrote:
“A lot of us conservatives have long written it off. California is too changed: too brown, too illegal, too bloated, too listless. All the good people have left, and all the bad people have stayed. You know the rap. Usually, we don’t put it this crudely, but this is what it amounts to.”
Actually, I don’t believe that conservatives’ worry amounts to any of that at all.
Conservatives know that the problem with California is not skin color, ethnic affinity, or race, but rather a juxtaposition of historically unprecedented great wealth on the coast and the culture it spawns — especially in high technology, government, finance, entertainment, and academia — with dire poverty in the state’s north and interior, some the result of years of open borders and illegal immigration. The result is a state in which the pernicious consequences of elite policy-making are never quite experienced by their insulated architects.
Click HERE to finish this article.
IS THIS FORMER COP AND CURRENT PROFESSOR CORRECT?
Is this flag in the future of America’s police?
This is a think-about-it article we found in the New York Post. It was authored by a former NYPD cop and current professor of Law and Police Studies at John Jay College of Criminal Justice. We suspect that he and JoeMac had a lot in common as our late Chief had also attended John Jay College…
Why Cops are Standing Down All Across America
By Eugene O’Donnell
American policing today is in a state of slow-motion collapse, struggling mightily to attract new officers — no matter how low standards are dropped.
Under sustained assault by the City Council, pundits and self-styled civil-liberties advocates, a new generation of New York City cops is being conditioned to avoid showdowns with civilians, especially where coercion or force is called for. We could have saved the costly investment in body cameras by explicitly telling the cops two words: “Do nothing.”
Officers who do more engagement than what is absolutely required have been threatened by HQ that they’ll find themselves on a list of “troublemakers.” Thousands have, or will soon, head for the exits, telling all within earshot to avoid police work as a career.
In many parts of the country, the police have gone to ground.
Click HERE to read more.
STORIES OF THE WEEK
Received from Joe Devane
After retiring, a former Marine Corps Gunnery Sergeant obtained a teaching credential and accepted a job teaching at a high school.
Just before the school year started, he injured his back and was required to wear a light plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn’t noticeable when he wore his suit coat.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school.
The male students, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom on his first day in class, the former Marine opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.
When a strong breeze from the open window made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.
There was dead silence in the classroom, and the rest of the year went smoothly.
• • • • •
Shampoo by Budweiser
From the Archives
While shopping in a food store, two Nuns happened to pass by the beer section.
One asked the other if she would like a beer. The second Nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she wouldn’t feel comfortable about buying it.
The first Nun replied that she could handle that without a problem.
She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. He had a surprised look on his face, so the Nun said, “We use beer for washing our hair…a sort of shampoo, if you will.”
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a bag of pretzels and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the Nun straight in the eye, smiled and said, “The curlers are on the house.”
• • • • •
Twins heading for Britain
From the Archives
Siamese twins walked into a pub in Vancouver, B.C. and parked themselves on a bar stool. One of them said to the innkeeper, “Don’t mind us, we’re joined at the hip. I’m Joe, he’s Jim, and we’ll have two Molson Canadian beers, draft please.”
Feeling slightly awkward, the innkeeper tried to make polite conversation while pouring the beers.
“Been on holiday yet, boys?”
“We’re off to England next month,” says Joe. “We go to England every year and rent a car so we can drive around, don’t we, Jim?”
Jim nodded his head yes.
“Ah, England,” said the innkeeper. “Wonderful country…the history, the beer, the culture…”
“Nah, we don’t like that British crap,” says Joe. “Hamburgers & Molson’s beer, that’s us, eh Jim? And we can’t stand the English…they’re arrogant and rude.”
“So why do you keep going to England?” asks the innkeeper.
Joe replies, “It’s the only chance Jim gets to drive.”
• • • • •
Headlines from the Future
From the Archives
Let’s jump into our Time Machine and take a look at some headlines from the year 2030…
Ozone Created by Electric Cars Now Killing Millions in the
7th Largest Country in the World, Mexifornia (formerly California)
Spotted Owl Plague Threatens Northwestern Crops and Livestock
Baby Conceived Naturally; Scientists Stumped
Couple Petitions Court to Reinstate Heterosexual Marriage
Iran and North Korea Still Closed Off; Physicists Estimate 10 More
Years Before Radioactivity Decreases to Safe Levels
France Pleads for Global Help after Being Invaded by Jamaica;
No Country Has Come Forward to Help the Beleaguered Nation
George Z. Bush Announced He Plans to Run for President in 2036
Postal Service Raises Price of First Class Stamp to
$17.89; and Mail Delivery Limited to Wednesdays Only
85-Year, $73.5 Million Study Finds Diet and Exercise Key to Weight Loss
Average Weight of Americans Drops to 270 Pounds
Global Cooling Blamed for Citrus Crop Failure for Third Consecutive
Year in Mexifornia and Floruba (former known as Florida)
Abortion Clinics Now Available in All High Schools in the U.S.
Massachusetts Executes Last Remaining Conservative
Supreme Court Rules Punishment of Criminals Violates Their Civil Rights
Average Height of NBA Players Now Nine Feet, Seven Inches
IRS Sets Lowest Tax Rate at 85 Percent
New Federal Law Requires that all Nail Clippers, Screwdrivers, Fly Swatters
and Rolled-Up Newspapers must be Registered by January 2030
• • • • •
The Priest and the Boy
Received from Dirk Parsons
A little boy who was sitting on the footpath with a bottle of Turpentine was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles.
A Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.
The little boy said, “This is the most powerful liquid in the world; it’s called Turpentine.”
The Priest said, “No, my son, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you rub it on a pregnant woman’s belly, she’ll pass a healthy baby.”
The little boy replied, “Oh yeah? Well if you rub turpentine on a cat’s butt it will pass a Harley-Davidson!”
• • • • •
From the Archives
The buzzword of this political campaign season — like all campaign seasons — is “change.” All of the candidates toss it around like rice at a wedding.
There’s an old sea-story in the Marine Corps about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines in the field. Afterward, he told the gunnery sergeant that the men smelled bad. He then told the gunny that the problem would be solved if the Marines changed their underwear. The gunny responded, “Aye, aye, sir, I’ll see to it immediately!”
The gunny walked straight into the squad tent and announced, “The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones; McCarthy, you change with Witkowski; and Brown, you change with Schultz. Get to it!”
Moral of the story: Political candidates may promise change, but don’t count on things smelling any better.
THE BEST OF THE LATE NITE JOKES
June 4: Kim Jong Un said he wants to open a McDonald’s in North Korea, which may explain why the summit with President Trump is suddenly back on.
The Supreme Court ruled that a baker in Colorado can refuse to make a wedding cake for a same-sex couple on religious grounds. Ladies and gentlemen, in my opinion, if there’s anything America is not going to stand for, it’s less cake.
The latest rumor in Washington is that President Trump could decide to pardon himself. This would be completely constitutional, according to Trump’s new Supreme Court Justice, Donald Trump.
Many fans have started an online petition urging ABC to continue the show “Roseanne” without Roseanne. In a related story, Andy [Richter] has started a similar petition about the show “Conan.”
In a new interview, Kanye West talks about being bipolar. Kanye said sometimes he loves himself but other times, he really loves himself.
In the United Kingdom, a baby’s first word was “Alexa.” The baby’s next words were “Get me new parents.”
June 4: Happy “Bachelorette” night, everyone. The bachelorette herself, Becca, is here tonight. This has never happened before: Tonight, Becca is going to tell us who she picked, thereby saving us 22 hours of our lives.
Did you see the game last night, game 2 of the NBA finals? The Golden State Warriors beat up on the Cleveland Cavaliers. Not a pretty sight. Steph Curry set an all-time finals record with nine 3-pointers. Two of them he shot from the parking lot as he was getting in his car.
Once the NBA season is over, our lonely nation turns its eyes to a one-on-one basketball game between me and Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas. The back story, in case you don’t know: Ted was unhappy that I compared him to a blobfish — even though, in fairness to me, he looks just like one. He should be angry at his parents. So, he challenged me to a game, and I accepted his challenge. But I pointed out that after losing the election to a reality show host, maybe it wouldn’t be a great idea to lose a basketball game to a talk show host.
Today is Donald Trump’s 500th day in office. Which I have to say, it feels like only yesterday that it was his 1,000th day in office.
June 4: Once again, President Trump spent the morning tweeting about the ongoing Russia investigation.
Today he tweeted: “As has been stated by numerous legal scholars, I have the absolute right to pardon myself, but why would I do that when I have done nothing wrong?” If you’re asking a bunch of legal scholars if you can pardon yourself in the event you’re found guilty of something, I’m going to say, you are probably guilty.
Also, if he does this, this would definitely be the first time that Trump has ever used the phrase “Pardon me.” But he needs to be careful, because I’m no legal scholar, but I’ve always heard that if you pardon yourself too much you’ll go blind.
In other White House news, first lady Melania Trump attended a reception today, marking her first public appearance in three weeks. This ended much speculation about her whereabouts. Turns out, Melania was in the White House with her husband, Donald Trump, the whole time. So, it’s worse than we all thought.
A new restaurant has opened in Boston where all the food is cooked by robots. The restaurant was started by a group of engineers from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. A robot that can cook a meal. Is this a new thing? Isn’t this just a microwave? I’m pretty sure I had a robot make me a frozen burrito last night.
It’s a little different than having a human cooking staff. Instead of finding a hair in your food, you’ll find a USB cable.
A plane in Holland was forced to make an emergency landing after a passenger’s body odor was so bad that it caused others to vomit and faint. You know it’s bad when people are going into the airplane bathroom for some fresh air.
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
Click HERE for what’s new.
• • • • •
If this performance of Terry Fator as Sonny and Cher doesn’t tickle your funny bone, perhaps you accidentally got off your meds. Gary Johnson suggests you get back on them and give THIS clip another shot. (7:00)
• • • • •
Dean (“Mean Dean”) Janavice said he was perusing the Obamacare operations manual and came upon a chapter titled “Death Panels,” proving that Sarah Palin was correct. While the procedure hasn’t yet been fully approved, trials are underway to see how society will accept ridding itself of the elderly in THIS manner. (1:43)
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Speaking of garbage trucks, THIS 24-second clip will show that picking up and emptying trash containers requires a certain amount of skill. (It’s all in the timing.) (0:24)
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If you think that driver was having a bad day, check out THIS kid who tried to return his family’s trash container to his home on a windy day. (0:44)
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Dave Walker felt this clip that included a photo of a little girl praying with a bunch of cops was worth sharing. Click HERE and you can meet 9-year-old Paige Vazquez and her mom. (1:52)
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Bruce Morton says if you like Catherine Zeta Jones and Orangutans you are sure to love THIS commercial. (1:00)
And if you are a big fan of the lovely lady and want to see other ads she has been featured in, a click HERE will provide you with several links.
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Not to be outdone by that Visa ad, MasterCard offered up THIS gem of a commercial featuring a compassionate pachyderm. (1:07)
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This was a long and complicated effort by Eldad and Loreta to rescue Mopsy and her three puppies: Figaro, Jiminy and Juniper. After six long hours, the dogs got a check-up and a nice warm bath, then joined Loreta for a well deserved nap. Figaro was soon to find a forever home while Mopsy, Jiminy and Juniper enjoyed life in a foster home where they waited for a PERMANENT home. (6:45)
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This was one of the most terrified German Shepherds Eldad and Loreta ever encountered. Its cries of fright mimicked that of a human until the two dog whisperers gained its trust and allowed it to be rescued and start a new LIFE of happiness. (7:20)
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The supervisor of a shipping yard called Hope for Paws about a dog that had just had puppies and was living on the property. At first, the security guard questioned Eldad and Loreta’s presence until it was explained that they had been called and that they were from an animal rescue organization. Click HERE and meet Mama Agnus and her three kids: Marge, Odis and Forest. (4:27)
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We are including this video because Bunny Rabbits have paws too, and the rescue of this family of six bunnies was extremely challenging and very time consuming. Have a look at what was involved in THIS rescue of Josephine, her husband Peter Rabbit, and their kids: Benjamin, Bouncer, Potter and Cottontail. (9:19)
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Caution: If you stand too close to the rear end of THESE dogs you risk getting flogged by their hypersonic tails. (3:30)
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It’s unlikely that this Aussie air traffic controller realized back in 2008 that this footage he shot from the tower of a Russian cargo plane taking off would accrue 2.8 million views on YouTube over the next ten years. (Under the circumstances we’ll OVERLOOK his language at the end of the clip.) (2:26)
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Kudos to the person who shot this exceptional footage of commercial aircraft none of us would want to be a passenger in during these turbulent touchdowns. Most make it down while some need to go around. Note the two nighttime landing attempts by the same plane at the 2:23 mark. That airline is appropriately named “WIZZ AIR.” (9:07)
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(R) This is one of those condom ads you will see only on the European continent. Our culture isn’t quite ready for THIS sort of TV advertising. (0:35)
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There are many reasons why men age quickly, and THIS clip received from Gary Johnson points out one of them as seen by many men. (1:27)
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If you like a good story, give this chap a couple minutes of your time and listen as he tells the true tale about the stunt man who parachuted onto the top of Devil’s Tower (of Close Encounters fame) but couldn’t get DOWN. (7:43)
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And if you have ever wondered what the top of Devil’s Tower looks like, HERE is excellent drone footage that will show you. (1:45)
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This story received from Mike Thompson is about a homeless alcoholic who sat down at one of the pianos that the city of Sarasota, FL placed at various sidewalk locations as part of the city’s arts and cultural program. After a stint at a rehab facility along with a shave and a haircut, he would wind up playing the National Anthem at Levi Stadium for the Forty-Niners’ season opener. How he got there can be seen by clicking HERE. (4:34)
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If you are unfamiliar with Ping Pong Bowling, have a look at this half-minute clip we received from Lumpy, who said if this guy could make these shots with a bowling ball he would be a star on the PBA tour. (0:29)
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Body cam footage saves the day again, this time for a police sergeant wrongly ACCUSED by a woman who lied in an effort to get him fired. (3:40)
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This week’s closer takes us to China where we get a close up look at some of the women who comprise 4.5 percent of the Chinese military. According to the info that accompanies the clip…serving in the military enjoys high popularity among young Chinese women because it opens opportunities for education and training, better jobs in the future, possible residence in cities, and higher status in society. Nearly all women soldiers serve in traditional female roles or in military support positions and are concentrated in headquarters, hospitals, research institutions, and communication facilities. There they serve as medical workers, administrative personnel, communications specialists, logistical support staff, political and propaganda workers, scientific researchers, and technicians. Click HERE to watch the video. (6:17)
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Pic of the Week
Ankle bracelets from around the world…
THE FARSIDER SUBSCRIPTION ROSTER as of 6/7/18
Additions and changes since the last published update (alphabetical by last name):
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Abram, Fred & Connie
Allen, Chaplain Bryan
Alvarez, Pat (Campbell)
Babineau, Dave & Cheryl
Bray, Mary Ellen
Bridgen, Betty Ruth
Brown Jr., Bill
Burroughs, (Bronson) Utta
Carr Jr., John
Carrillo, Jaci Cordes
Clark, Bill (the one who stayed)
Embry (Howsmon), Eva
Foulkes [Duchon], Louise
Gonzalez, D. (formerly D. Avila)
Guido, Jr., Jim
Guido, Sr. Jim
Hare, Caren (Carlisle)
Harnish, Mary (Craven)
Horton, Debbie (McIntyre)
Howsmon, (Jr.) Frank
Howsmon (Sr.), Frank
Hunter, Dick (via daughter Kim Mindling)
Inami, Steve & Francine
Johnson, Tom & Fran
Klein, Lou Anna
Leonard (Lintern), Lynda
Muldrow, Mark “Mo”
O’Carroll, Diane (Azzarello)
Perry (Cervantez), Martha
Rappe (Ryman), Bonnie
Reyes (Buell), Cindy
Schenini (Alvarez), Joanne
Taves, Phil & Paula
Terry, Glenn & Maggie
Vallecilla, Ernie & Peggy
Van Dyck, Lois
Williams [Durham], Lanette
Windisch Jr., Steve