Jan. 11, 2018
The Farsider is an independent publication that is not affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included on its website solely for the convenience of
the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association’s Board of Directors or its membership.
CELEBRATION OF LIFE REMINDER FOR CHAPLAIN DAVE BRIDGEN
Friday, Jan. 19 at 1:00 p.m.
(one week from tomorrow)
Family Community Church
478 Piercy Road
San Jose, CA 95138
Reception to follow:
San Jose Police Officers’ Association Hall
1151 N. 4th Street
In lieu of flowers, the Bridgen family is requesting
donations to the SJPD Chaplaincy Program
San Jose Police Chaplaincy
PO Box 2202
San Jose, CA 95109
For more information, contact Gary Johnson
at <email@example.com> or 408-807-6809
OFFICERS GENE SIMPSON AND GORDON SILVA MEMORIAL
—Rendering Support and Keeping Their Memory Alive —
Remembering Gene and Gordon
In keeping with the San Jose Police Emerald Society’s mission in “Rendering Support and Keeping Their Memory Alive,” we remember and honor Officers Gene Simpson and Gordon Silva.
Join members of the San Jose Police Emerald Society and others in a memorial service honoring Gene Simpson and Gordon Silva who were killed in the line of duty 29 years ago on Jan. 20, 1989. There will be a short memorial reading and prayer. Others are invited to say a few words if they like. It will close with the playing of Amazing Grace. Please arrive a few minutes early as the service will start promptly at 10:00 a.m.
Event Date: Saturday, Jan. 20, 2018
10:00 a.m. to 10:30 a.m.
The service will e held at Oak Hill Cemetery
300 Curtner Avenue, San Jose, CA
Sponsored by the San Jose Police Emerald Society
PBA MEETING REMINDER
Next Wednesday, Jan. 17th, will be the first general membership dinner meeting of the PBA for the new year. All members are encouraged to attend and “tip one” for 2018 while you enjoy a delicious meal. The open bar will be pressed into service at 5:00 p.m. with dinner following around 6:00.
SJPOA members are receiving a series of Membership Alerts this week with various articles written by our late Chaplain over the years. This was the first of many…
The San Jose Police Officers’ Association will be honoring our beloved Chaplain David Bridgen this week. As most of you know, Chaplain Bridgen wrote weekly articles for The SJPD’s Insider which contained words of encouragement, advice, and support. This week we will republish some of his articles as a reminder of his constant dedication and love for our department and our community.
Published Friday, August 24, 2001
At the boxing finals in the Arena last Friday night, Andy Trevino asked me to participate in the memorial service to honor and remember firefighters and law enforcement officers who died in the line of duty this past year. I was not prepared for what was about to happen, nor did I anticipate the effect it would have on me.
The families had gathered inside the boxing ring. Rigo Chacon was the Master of Ceremony as Mike Honda, the Chief, Mayor Gonzales and I presented a beautiful shadow box to each family honoring our comrades who died in the line of duty. I walked back to my place and stood next to a young widow with two small children. She was trying to hold the large shadow box as well as one restless child. I tried to help by patting the youngster on the back. Although she did not know who I was, the child turned to me and held out her arms so I picked her up. She put her head on my shoulder, pointed to the shadow box and said, “That’s my Daddy. My Daddy is in heaven.” She pointed to the other shadow boxes as the bagpipes were playing Amazing Grace and Michelle Buckhout was singing Hero. Then the little girl said, “Are all those Daddies in heaven like my Daddy? Is that boy’s Daddy in heaven? When will my Daddy come back? Will I see my Daddy?” With a lump in my throat and holding back my emotions, I gave the child a hug and told her that her Daddy was a very brave man and that he had loved her very much. She asked to get down to talk with her sister. I put her down and she scampered away. I left the Arena feeling numb and thinking how much all of you give to this community. Thank you! Go home and hug your spouse and children because you need them and they need you!
Something to think about.
Chaplain Dave Bridgen
Bill & Leroy,
I don’t know if you get this website, but the two pension items noted are worth a reference in the Farsider.
Jim Spence <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Director for Health Care
Association of Retired San Jose Police Officers & Fire Fighters
Click HERE for the first item titled, “Police Pensions Protected (For Now)
Click HERE for the second item titled “Let’s Support Firefighters; Cops Will Be Next
Will you please put Betty’s request in the next Farsider. No need to put in all the details, just that he is ailing and in need of some prayers.
Mike (Thompson) <email@example.com>
To hell with skimping on the details. Bill Smith is family, and the only way to express his need for prayers is to publish Betty’s message in its entirety…
Just wanted to update you. Bill was taken to French Hospital in San Luis Obispo on Sunday and is in ICU there. It is so hard to comprehend all that is going on. Lots of testing and they don’t think that any of the issues including the chest pain are related to his heart. We now have a pulmonologist, a immunologist and a neurologist working with him. They are trying to figure what is causing his extreme weakness and failing body. He has been accepted to UCLA and we are presently waiting for them to get a bed for him, after which he will be transported there. I guess they want to test for auto-immune diseases and other things that they can’t test for in our area (the only downside of living on the Central Coast). As soon as I know he is heading south I will head there also. Please keep him in your prayers.
I have a favor to ask. Could you let whoever runs the Farsider know that we are asking for prayers for Bill as well as answers and a speedy recovery. I don’t know who to contact. I really appreciate any connection you could make as you guys are my only connection that I keep in touch with for the PD. I will try to keep you posted.
Hugs and love to you both.
Betty (Smith) <firstname.lastname@example.org>
NEWS YOU CAN USE
If you value your privacy, pay attention to this item that Craig Clifton posted on his 10-7ODSJ Facebook page. (I say “his” because he created it.) When I entered my landline number on this site not only did it confirm it was my number, it also linked my cell number to me and displayed my home address as well as a map showing an overhead view of my residence. Fortunately, there’s an “Opt Out” link you can click on, but it’s in very small print at the very bottom of the site. Unfortunately, I can’t get the damn “Opt Out” link to work, either by clicking on the tiny link or entering the URL manually. Here is the URL to see if your landline and/or cell number comes back to you: <https://www.usphonebook.com/> And this is the URL to use to opt out: <www.usphonebook.com/opt-out> Good luck!
NEW VANGUARD AVAILABLE ON-LINE
Dear Vanguard Reader,
The January 2018 eVanguard is now online. Hard copies of the magazine will be arriving in the mail soon. Click HERE, then on the image of the Vanguard to read it.
DON’T WAIT UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE, REGISTER NOW AND
BRING ANOTHER COUPLE TO THE VALENTINE’S DAY DINNER DANCE FOR ONLY $25
—Neighbors, Friends, Relatives, Your Choice—
Members: $25 per couple — Second Couple $25
(Maximum of one additional couple per PBA member)
$50 total for luscious Hors d’oeuvres, Open Bar, Wine on the table and Prime Rib & Salmon
Saturday, Feb. 10th
MUST RSVP by, Monday, Feb. 5th, but can pay at the door
Doors open at 6:00 — Dinner at 7:00 — Dancing to 11:00 p.m.
POA Hall, 1151 N. Fourth St.
Hors d’oeuvres aplenty
Entrees: Your choice of Salmon and/or hand-carved Prime Rib
Hosted Bar with Wine on the Tables
Dancing to your kind of music following dinner
Make checks payable to the “SJPBA” and mail to:
P.O. Box 42
San Jose, CA 95103
Or pay at the door with a prior RSVP by Monday, Feb. 5th
GREAT SHOW AND FOR AN EXCELLENT CAUSE
For more info, get in touch with Bruce Hodgkin
at 408-832-8579 or <email@example.com>
WANT TO DRIVE FOR FOUR YEARS WITHOUT PAYING A PENNY FOR FUEL
OK, I’m a car freak. I freely admit it. I have averaged a new car about every two years over the 58 years I have been driving. My interest has resulted in me subscribing to a half-dozen auto review channels on YouTube and listing TV shows such as Motorweek, Wheeler Dealers and Top Gear as favorites on my magic Tivo machines.
Alex Dykes has a channel on YouTube called “Alex on Autos” that is my favorite go-to website for new car reviews. He is the best in the business of reviewing cars on the Internet or anywhere else bar none in my opinion.
I recently received notification of his latest review which was on the 2nd Generation Honda Clarity fuel cell vehicle. To say I’m impressed with it is an understatement. It uses hydrogen to generate its own electricity, and to my surprise, hydrogen stations are plentiful in Northern and Southern California. The car has many things going for it that my all-electric Chevy Bolt doesn’t have, and I love my Bolt. It was one of the first three sold in mid-Dec. of 2016 when Chevrolet first introduced the car. Lots of hoopla provided me with 13 minutes of fame. (Someone somewhere owes me the other 2 minutes!)
Before you hit the delete button or go to something else, consider these factors:
• The Honda Clarity fuel cell vehicle leases for $369/Mo after a $2,800 down payment. They are NOT for sale.
• While most 3-year leases stipulate 10,000 or 12,000 miles per year, this one gives you 20,000 miles a year.
• The range of the car on a full tank of hydrogen is 366 miles.
• The lease comes with a $15,000 gas (hydrogen) card, which means it won’t cost you a dime to drive for an estimated 80,000 miles. In other words, with the exception of the monthly lease payment, you drive FREE.
• The lease also comes with a free 21-day rental from Avis if you plan to take a trip where there are no hydrogen stations (e.g. out of state).
• The car is eligible for a $5,000 California cash rebate for being a “clean air vehicle.”
• The car is also eligible for an HOV sticker that allows you to drive solo in car pool and express lanes.
If this has piqued your interest, take a few minutes and watch Alex review the car by clicking on the link below. The road you see during his road test is Skyline Blvd. He lives in the Santa Cruz mountains and works in San Jose. Click on THIS link below to watch the video.
PS: Now click on THIS link to pull up a map showing hydrogen stations in California. You can zoom in on a particular area of the map for more specific site locations. Remember, the car has a 366 mile range.
LOOKS LIKE A KERFUFFLE IS IN THE WORKS OVER THE LEGALIZATION OF WEED
ICE Director: California Better Hold On Tight, Flood Of Raids Imminent
By Holly Matkin — Blue Lives Matter — Jan. 3, 2018
Acting ICE Director Thomas Homan said that the
sanctuary state of California “better hold on tight.”
Washington, DC – Acting Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) Director Thomas Homan denounced California Governor Jerry Brown’s decision to endorse California’s “sanctuary state” law on Tuesday, and vowed to “significantly increase” the agency’s presence in the state.
The California Values Act, which was signed in to law by Gov. Jerry Brown in October 2017, “bars law enforcement officers from arresting individuals based on civil immigration warrants, asking about a person’s immigration status, or participating in any joint task force with federal officials for the purpose of enforcing immigration laws,” The Political Insider reported.
The law was officially implemented on Monday.
During his Tuesday interview with FOX News Channel’s Neil Cavuto, Homan noted that “smuggling organizations” are using the sanctuary law as “a selling point” to further their criminal networks.
“More illegal aliens will be coming to California,” he promised. “California just bit off a lot more than they can chew.”
Homan expressed outrage that politicians opted to protect illegal aliens over their own citizens and law enforcement officers.
“No one thought about the safety of law enforcement when this decision was made,” he said.
“What they’ve done is forced my officers to arrest dangerous criminals on their turf, in their homes and their places of business, rather than arresting them in the safety and security of a county jail,” Homan explained. “It’s ridiculous to knowingly and intentionally put law enforcement at risk…and the communities themselves put at risk.”
He said that local police support ICE’s mission, but that they are being held back by politics.
“The street cops – they do not like this legislation,” Homan said. “They’re totally against it. The street cops understand what we’re trying to do. We want to take public safety threats out of the communities.”
Homan said that ICE has no intention of standing idly by while crime rates increase in California.
“If the politicians in California don’t want to protect their communities, then ICE will,” he said. “California better hold on tight.”
“If [Gov. Brown] thinks he’s protecting the immigrant community, he’s doing quite the opposite, because if you think ICE is going away, we’re not. There’s no sanctuary from federal law enforcement,” Homan promised.
ICE has already begun the process of sending more manpower to the state.
“I’m going to significantly increase our enforcement presence in California,” Homan said. “They’re about to see a lot more special agents, a lot more deportation officers.”
Homan also urged the Department of Justice to charge officials who enact legislation that attempts to shield illegal and criminal aliens, and said they should be held accountable for violating federal law and putting citizens and local law enforcement officers at risk.
“For these sanctuary cities that knowingly shield and harbor an illegal alien in their jail and don’t allow us access, that is…a violation of…an alien smuggling statute. I’ve asked the Department of Justice to look at this…can we hold them accountable? Are the violating federal law?” Homan asked.
Homan argued that sanctuary policies and viewpoints have already resulted in what he called the “victimization of the American community.”
“No one thought about cases like Kate Steinle,” he said, before he recounted a recent domestic violence incident in Sonoma County.
The perpetrator was an illegal alien, so ICE put a detainer on him, Homan said.
“Sonoma County didn’t honor the detainer,” he recalled. “What happened? Two weeks later, he killed that girl. Now she has two young daughters without a mother.”
Government officials cannot be allowed to look the other way while the public is victimized, Homan said.
“More citizens are going to die because of these policies, and these politicians can’t make these decisions and be held unaccountable for people dying,” he said.
Above all, Homan expressed his admiration and appreciation for law enforcement officers who serve their communities.
“I’ve got 20,000 American patriots that work for ICE,” he said. “They strap a gun to their hip every day and leave the safety and security of their homes to protect these communities and to protect the homeland.”
“We’re going to be all over the place, and we’re going to enforce law without apology,” Homan vowed.
Click on THIS link then scroll down to review the readers’ comments about this article.
D.A. IN THE SOUTHLAND CALLS IT AS HE SEES IT…
Surveillance Captured Deputy’s Murder – DA Blames CA Libs
By Sandy Malone — Blues Lives Matter — Jan. 4, 2018
A very angry San Bernardino district attorney blamed
“liberals” in Sacramento for career criminals walking free.
San Bernardino, CA – The murder of a 36-year veteran San Bernadino Deputy was captured on video, as well a a good Samaritan ramming the killer’s car.
Law enforcement officials are furious that the murderer, who was convicted and sent to prison for gang member street terrorism and possession of a gun in 2012, was walking free in society and able to commit the heinous attack on a much-loved, 70-year-old deputy.
The video is very low in contrast (muddy),
but it can be viewed by clicking HERE
Alonzo Leron Smith, 30, has been charged with murder in the death of San Bernardino Sheriff’s Deputy Lawrence “Larry” Falce on New Year’s Eve.
“This person needs to spend the rest of his life in prison,” said San Bernardino County District Attorney Mike Ramos.
Deputy Falce’s was off duty on Dec. 31, 2017 when Smith rear-ended him in his personal vehicle.
Surveillance video of the area showed Deputy Falce out of his vehicle, standing in front of Smith’s truck, appearing to talk to the suspect.
Suddenly, Smith aggressively approached Deputy Falce and seemingly without warning, punched him in the head, knocking him to the ground and unconscious.
Smith jumped back in his truck and tried to get away. A good Samaritan in a large white vehicle then rammed the suspect’s vehicle to try to prevent his escape, but the killer got away.
The killer was arrested that night at his girlfriend’s house.
Deputy Falce was transported to Loma Linda Medical Center, where he succumbed to his injuries on Jan. 2, according to KTLA. He was taken off life support shortly after 8 p.m. Tuesday.
Authorities have said that if it wasn’t for “all the liberals up in Sacramento,” the San Bernardino community’s longest-serving deputy would still be alive.
The district attorney spoke angrily about the murder in a press conference on Wednesday, and said the murder charge was just the beginning for Smith.
“We also will be adding enhancements – we’ve already added an enhancement. But I will indicate to you that this Alfonzo Smith, this defendant in this matter, we consider a career criminal,” Ramos said.
The district attorney called Smith “an admitted gang member.”
“We need to get this career criminal off the streets that’s been in prisons and jails ever since, ever since he was able to be tried as an adult,” he said.
Ramos explained that “the Rodriguez case,” which changed the way that strikes can be applied in the Three Strikes Rule, was the reason that Smith was out of prison, despite the fact that he’d been sent away for 12 years in 2012.
“He was going to serve 12 years for the street terrorism as a gang member … they said you could not file that charge because he was alone in that car with a gun. Even though he admitted, even though he had tattoos, and admitted he was a gang member. Because the law changed under the case of Rodriguez that said if you’re going to file something like that, you need at least two gang members,” he said.
“Another very frustrating factor is the laws regarding gangs is interpreted and given this, I’ll say liberal slant, to help these gang members,” Ramos said.
He explained how the court justified releasing Smith from prison despite the fact he was a career criminal with a history of felony convictions.
“Back then he was a gang member with a handgun with a weapon. He was convicted of street terrorism with use of a gun. And the appellate courts decided under the case of Rodriguez that because the gang member was by himself without another gang member in the car, that you couldn’t hold him responsible for that crime because a ‘gang member’ has to have somebody else with him,” Ramos said.
Ramos, and other law enforcement officials, are angry with state legislators.
“We’re having to deal with that all the time. They continue to go after our enhancements. They continue to take away our tools to fight gang members, these local terrorists. And it’s very, very frustrating,” the district attorney said. “And look what happens and results like this. It’s something that needs to change.”
Ramos said that the new laws being passed are making California a less safe place. He said it’s become almost impossible to add much-needed enhancements to felony crime charges.
“Prop 64 was the proposition that was pushed by some folks up in Sacramento to get rid of strikes on Three Strikes cases,” he explained.
He said it’s getting very difficult to utilize the Three Strikes Rule.
“But now because of Prop 64 and all the liberals up in Sacramento, they’re going to fight that,” he said.
“They’re going to fight that as they indicate to you that these are non- serious, non-violent felonies. Bulls**t!” Ramos said angrily.
“I am sick, as the DA of San Bernardino County, of having to deal with these people, especially when they take the life of one of our community members, our deputy. And we’re going to fight like hell to make sure that enhancement sticks,” he said.
“And I don’t care what we have to do, if we have to take it all the way to the California Supreme Court,” Ramos committed.
Ramos reminded people that Deputy Falce, like all law enforcement officers, was a real person.
“I’m getting tired of this. I’m human, we’re human too. They have families these officers. And they have to deal with this when we all go home, and you go home. I’m going to guarantee you that we’re going to hold this person responsible. I have the best lawyers assigned to it,” he promised.
Authorities have said that thus far, they have had no indication that Deputy Falce, who was off-duty and not in uniform at the time of the attack, identified himself as a “peace officer.”
“But they’re going back to see if there’s a previous encounter, which could potential change the dynamic of what this case is,” San Bernardino Police Chief Jarrod Burguan.
Smith had been arrested multiple times by San Bernardino police and sheriff’s deputies, so there is a possibly he had previously encountered Deputy Falce, and recognized him the day he attacked him.
“As I indicated Larry worked the street in the San Bernardino area for 32 years. That’s a long time. And he was a very productive proactive deputy sheriff that loved his job,” San Bernardino County Sheriff John McMahon said.
“Larry should be remembered as an honorable man who dedicated his entire adult life to his country. The United States Army, and then 36 years serving the citizens of San Bernardino County as a deputy sheriff with our department,” Sheriff McMahon said.
Deputy Falce grew up in the San Bernardino community, and worked as a patrol officer for 32 years. He also coordinated the East Valley Search and Rescue team for the past several years, the sheriff said.
Smith was arraigned Wednesday morning and pleaded not guilty. He faces a charge of murder and other charges related to prior felony convictions.
He can also look forward to enhancements to the charges, and vigorous prosecution, as promised by the district attorney.
Click HERE to review the readers’ comments about this article.
HAVE HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE? SKIP THIS ARTICLE IF YOU DO
Why do I run items like the one below that don’t appear to have a bearing on San Jose, the SJPD or law enforcement in general? Because it’s one of those news stories that gets buried and is not widely seen by the public.
The focus on immigrants has almost always centered around Mexican nationals and others from South America who illegally enter the United States, often for the purpose of finding work so they can earn money to send back to their families. But there is another group that is taking advantage of the generosity of the U.S. On the surface it appears this group is entering legally. But are they? Read on…
Feds Raid California ‘Maternity Hotels’ for Birth Tourists
by Andrew Blankstein, Anna R. Schecter and Tracy Connor, NBC News
Southern California apartment complexes that doubled as “maternity hotels” for Chinese women who want made-in-America babies were raided early Tuesday, capping an unprecedented federal sting operation, officials said.
NBC News was on the scene as Homeland Security agents swept into The Carlyle, a luxury property in Irvine, California, which housed pregnant women and new moms who allegedly forked over $40,000 to $80,000 to give birth in the United States.
“I am doing this for the education of the next generation,” one of the women told NBC News.
None of the women were arrested; they are being treated as material witnesses, and paramedics were on hand in case any of them went into labor during the sweep.
Instead, the investigation was aimed at ringleaders who pocketed hundreds of thousands of dollars tax-free to help Chinese nationals obtain visas and then pamper them until they delivered in an American hospital at a discount, court papers show.
“It’s not necessarily illegal to come here to have the baby, but if you lie about your reasons for coming here, that’s visa fraud,” said Claude Arnold, special agent in charge of Homeland Security Investigations for Los Angeles.
All told, the feds raided 20 locations in Los Angeles, Orange and San Bernardino counties, targeting three competing birth tourism schemes, officials said. The suspected operators have not been charged but are being questioned.
The organizers who allegedly ran the Carlyle site, Chao Chen and Dong Li, used a website to drum up business, touting the benefits of a child with U.S. citizenship: 13 years of free education, low-cost college financial aid, less pollution, and a path for the entire family to emigrate when the child becomes an adult.
Image from a website that federal authorities say was used to
recruit Chinese women to come to the U.S. to have their babies.
Clients were counseled on what lies to tell to obtain a tourist visa; how to fly through Hawaii, Las Vegas or Korea to avoid suspicious immigration officers at Los Angeles International Airport; and how to disguise their pregnancy in transit, according to search warrant affidavit unsealed Tuesday.
The women were then set up at the Carlyle, which charges about $3,000 a month for a two-bedroom apartment and features amenities including private balconies, a resort-style pool, and cabanas with flat-screen televisions.
A neighbor, Linda Trust, told NBC News she did find it strange that she had seen a forklift deliver a huge pile of diapers to the buildings but had never seen a baby.
The women’s handlers provided transportation for doctor visits and trips to restaurants and shops, the court papers say. An agent tailing one of the suspects followed them to Target and Babies R Us.
They were funneled to several Orange County hospitals to deliver, but they didn’t pay full price — approximately $25,000 — for medical services, officials said. Instead, they got reduced rates for the indigent, ranging from nothing to $4,000, the court papers say.
That translated into big losses for the hospitals. More than 400 babies linked to the scheme were born at just one facility in a two-year period, investigators said.
The investigators discovered that the parents of one baby born in April 2014 who paid the hospital just $4,000 were spending money at the Wynn Las Vegas Hotel, Rolex and Louis Vuitton, using an account with almost a quarter of a million dollars in it.
The fraud, authorities say, went beyond the visas.
Li didn’t file a U.S. tax return and Chen didn’t declare hundreds of thousands of dollars in proceeds, the affidavit says. In addition, Chen and his wife, Jie Zhu committed marriage fraud, pretending to be divorced so they could get “green-card” marriages in the U.S., the feds charged.
Efforts to reach Chen, Zhu and Li by phone were unsuccessful. It was not clear if they have retained legal counsel.
The phenomenon of foreigners coming to the U.S. to have babies is not new but appears to be growing. One study found that 40,000 children a year are born to women here on a travel visa, the affidavit notes.
Image from a website that federal authorities say was used to
recruit Chinese women to come to the U.S. to have their babies.
Tuesday’s crackdown marked the first large-scale federal probe of birth-tourism kingpins in the continental U.S.
In addition to the operation at the Carlyle, the feds zeroed in on two other alleged schemes.
Wen Rui Deng, Li Yan Lang and Wen Shan Sun were accused of charging women $10,000 to $25,000 to put them up at the Pheasant Ridge apartments in Rowland Heights, where the “one dragon service” included baby nurses, the court papers say.
A company called USA Happy Baby, run by Michael Wei Yueh Liu and Jing Dong, set up at The Reserves apartments in Rancho Cucamonga, authorities charged.
The probe into the Carlyle started in June 2014 when the Irvine Police Department received an anonymous tip about the scheme that was turned over to Homeland Security. Separately, U.S. Customs and Immigration Services received a similar tip.
Image from a website that federal authorities say was used to
recruit Chinese women to come to the U.S. to have their babies.
An agent posed as a client who wanted to arrange for his cousin to give birth in America, and got Chen to spill the details of the scheme — from how his China-based employees would “prep” the woman for her consulate interview to why she should not fly straight to LA.
“I don’t do it because it’s too risky,” he said. “That’s because 90 percent of the work is already done before they come over, and if they get sent back on the same plane, then I’m the one to blame for it.”
The investigators went through Li’s trash, examined hospital records, followed the suspects and their clients on a trip to a Chinese restaurant and and combed through bank records.
At one point, Chen was caught on tape fretting to the undercover that the government might realize he was not paying taxes he owed on money he collected in China.
“I do file taxes but there are so any things that I can’t explain clearly,” he said.
STORIES OF THE WEEK
A Scottish woman goes to the local newspaper office to see that an obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. She is informed that there is a charge of one dollar per word.
She pauses, reflects, then says, “Well then, let it read, ”Fred Brown died.”
Amused at the woman’s thrift, the editor tells her that there is a seven-word minimum for all obituaries.
She thinks it over for a few seconds, then says, “In that case, let it read ‘Fred Brown Died. Golf clubs for sale.’ “
• • • • •
Also from Lumpy
A husband decides to join his wife for the first time playing golf. He’s never really been into the game, but since his wife was playing with all these men around, he wanted to come and check it out.
All day long he complains about the heat, about the other players and about how long it’s taking.
They are on the 9th green when suddenly he collapses from a heart attack!
“Help me,” he groans to his wife.
The wife calls 911 on her cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up her putter, then lines up her putt.
Her husband raises his head off the green and stares at her.
“I’m dying over here and you’re putting?”
“Don’t worry dear,” says the wife calmly, “they found a doctor on the second hole and he’s coming to help you.”
“Well, how long will it take for him to get here?” he asked feebly.
“No time at all, sweetheart” said his wife. “Everybody in front of him has already agreed to let him play through.”
• • • • •
Quotable sports quotes other than Yogi Barra’s
Received from Joe Devane
Dallas Cowboy Quarterback Don Meredith once said: “Coach Tom Landry is such a perfectionist that if he was married to Raquel Welch he would expect her to cook.”
Harry Neale, professional hockey coach: “Last year we couldn’t win at home and we were losing on the road. My failure as a coach was that I couldn’t think of anyplace else to play.”
Reggie Jackson commenting on Tom Seaver: “Blind people come to the ballpark just to listen to him pitch.”
Doug Sanders, professional golfer: “I’m working as hard as I can to get my life and my cash to run out at the same time. If I can just die after lunch Tuesday, everything will be perfect.”
Mickey Lolich, Detroit Tigers pitcher: “All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives, ‘See, there’s a fat guy doing okay. Bring me another beer.'”
Tommy LaSorda , L A Dodgers manager: “I found out that it’s not good to talk about my troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear them don’t care and the other twenty percent are glad I’m having them.”
E.J. Holub, Kansas City Chiefs linebacker regarding his 12 knee operations: “My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget.”
Vic Braden, tennis instructor: “My theory is that if you buy an ice-cream cone and make it hit your mouth, you can learn to play tennis. If you stick it on your forehead, your chances aren’t as good.”
Walt Garrison, Dallas Cowboys fullback when asked if Tom Landry ever smiles: “I don’t know. I only played there for nine years.”
John Breen, Houston Oilers: “We were tipping off our plays. Whenever we broke from the huddle, three backs were laughing and one was pale as a ghost.”
Bum Phillips, New Orleans Saints, after viewing a lopsided loss to the Atlanta Falcons:”The film looks suspiciously like the game itself.”
Al Hrabosky, major league relief pitcher: “When I’m on the road, my greatest ambition is to get a standing boo.”
Paul Horning, Green Bay Packers running back on why his marriage ceremony was before noon: “Because if it didn’t work out, I didn’t want to blow the whole day.”
Lou Holtz , Arkansas football coach: “I have a lifetime contract. That means I can’t be fired during the third quarter if we’re ahead and moving the ball.”
Knute Rockne, when asked why Notre Dame had lost a game: “I won’t know until my barber tells me on Monday.”
Bill Walton, Portland Trail Blazers: “I learned a long time ago that ‘minor surgery’ is when they do the operation on someone else, not you.”
George MacIntyre, Vanderbilt football coach surveying the team roster that included 26 freshmen and 25 sophomores: “Our biggest concern this season will be diaper rash.”
Rick Venturi, Northwestern football coach: “The only difference between me and General Custer is that I have to watch the films on Sunday.”
• • • • •
Little Johnny is alive and well…
Received from Alice Murphy
A teacher decides to let her students leave class early if they can name the author of some famous quotes.
“Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago?’” asked the teacher.
Before Little Johnny could respond, Susie blurted out “Abraham Lincoln.”
Very good, Susie. You can go home.
“Who said I have a dream?” the teacher asked the class.
Little Johnny began to answer but Mary beat him to the punch. “Martin Luther King, Jr.” she answered.
Excellent, Mary. You can go home too.
The teacher continued. Who said, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?”
Before Little Johnny could even open his mouth Nancy answered, “John F. Kennedy.”
Very good, Mary. You can go home.
As the teacher turned around, Little Johnny yelled out, “I wish those bitches would keep their #$%&#^ mouths shut!”
Livid at hearing that language, the teacher turned around to face the class and asked “Who said that?”
Little Johnny responded: “Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein, Al Franken, Matt Lauer and Bill Clinton, just to name a few. I’ll see you tomorrow!”
THE BEST OF THE LATE NITE JOKES
Anti-Trumpers rejoice: Most of the late nite talk show hosts
are back from the holidays. Let the anti-Trump jokes roll, except
for the memes, which is our way of being fair and balanced.
Jan. 8 — 9
Jan. 8: Hey, I want to wish everyone a happy 2018! A lot of people are making New Year’s resolutions. Some people are losing weight — while the president’s losing his mind.
After his mental health was questioned in a new book, President Trump went on Twitter and said that he’s a “very stable genius.” Trump says it was an accident — he was trying to edit his OkCupid bio.
Yeah, Trump tweeted that he’s a “genius.” Then he said, “In fact, that’s what the J in Donald J. Trump stands for, Donald Genius Trump.”
This all started with a new book about the White House, called “Fire and Fury.” At first Trump didn’t care, cuz he thought “Fire and Fury” was just a new flavor of Doritos.
There’s a lot of weird stuff in there. For instance, it says Trump insists on stripping his own sheets. He said one maid did such a bad job making his bed, you could barely tell it was a race car.
But this wasn’t a huge surprise. The book says that Donald and Melania have separate bedrooms. Yeah, Trump sleeps in the White House’s master bedroom, while Melania sleeps in New York City.
Over the weekend, Eric Trump celebrated his 34th birthday at a Mexican restaurant, and he and Don Jr. wore sombreros. Which backfired when their dad had them deported. “Get ’em out!”
The Golden Globes were last night! Everybody’s talking about the big speech Oprah made — and a lot of people say she should run for president. But it’ll be weird at her State of the Union, when Congress keeps checking under their seats for a free car. “YOU GET A CAR AND YOU GET A CAR!”
But this could be a big story. In fact, two of Oprah’s close friends say that she’s thinking about running in 2020. While two of Trump’s close friends said, “Please don’t refer to us as Trump’s close friends.”
Jan. 9: President Trump was asked about Oprah running for president, and he said that he would defeat her. But then another guy said, (PUTIN) “Donald, there is only so much I can do for you. I mean — it’s OPRAH!”
Trump invited the press to an immigration meeting at the White House. He let them stick around for about an hour. They said, “This is the longest we’ve ever stayed here!” And Trump said, “Me, too!”
Congratulations to Alabama, who overcame a 13-point deficit to win the College Football National Championship! Man, I’m just happy to say the words “Alabama” and “13” and not be talking about Roy Moore.
Some news for travelers here. I read that British Airways is getting rid of reclining seats on their planes. And if you think that’s bad, Southwest just announced that their new seats only recline forward.
I saw that Princess Charlotte went to her first day of nursery school yesterday. It was a little intimidating for the other kids – like for “Show and Tell,” she brought Scotland.
Last night at the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas, there was a party that featured robot strippers. They said the annoying thing about robot strippers is when you give them a dollar, you have to make sure it’s not crinkled and facing the right way.
I read about a company that’s working on technology that would let your pet video chat with you. It’s fun to get a video chat from your dog, but depressing to watch your cat decline your call.
Jan. 8: This is our first show of the New Year after the holidays. We’re very happy to be back. We actually would have come back last week but marijuana was just legalized here in California so, you know.
Everybody is still buzzing about Oprah Winfrey’s incredible speech. And now after such an incredible speech, people close to Oprah are saying that she could actually be convinced to run for president in 2020. Don’t get too excited. Oprah hasn’t said that she decided to make a run for the White House or anything. She said she’s not sure she wants to move into a smaller place.
Can you imagine Oprah as president? Can you imagine? You thought Bernie Sanders wanted to give a lot of stuff away. “You get health insurance. You get health insurance. You don’t get deported. You don’t get deported. You won’t get deported.”
But after the reaction last night, Republicans were outraged when they heard about this. They were like you cannot just elect a billionaire TV star with no political experience . . .
The White House officially responded to the news that Oprah might run saying, “We welcome all comers.” Yeah, which is very easy to remember, cuz it’s the exact opposite of their immigration policy.
Jan. 9: There was breaking news this afternoon. President Trump’s former chief strategist Steve Bannon, who — don’t even need a punch line. Just say his name. That’s it! Goodnight!
In August, Bannon was forced to step down from his job at the White House and has now also been forced out as the head of Breitbart News. The craziest part of this story is, Steve Bannon is a powerful old white guy who has lost not one but two jobs in the last six months, and neither of them was for sexual harassment.
The College Football National Championship game was last night. And President Donald Trump made an appearance. Now, after months of criticizing football players for taking knees, the president finally got the chance to stand for the national anthem. But some people noticed that Trump may not know all the words. [shows clip of Trump appearing to fumble the lyrics] He looks like a guy who just jumped on stage at a karaoke bar to sing “Despacito,” and then suddenly remembered he can’t speak Spanish.
In Trump’s defense, it’s hard to sing a song while you’re also trying to compose tweets in your head.
Two major Apple investors wrote an open letter to the company pressuring it to study the addictive effects of iPhones and iPads on children. This seems a little bit late; addressing this problem now is like your drug dealer telling you, “Hey, man, be careful with that. It’s not good for you. I’ll see you Monday.”
Jan. 8: The stars gathered in Los Angeles for the Golden Globes. Oprah Winfrey delivered a speech so powerful that all day long people have been asking if Oprah will run for president — which at this point, wouldn’t president be a demotion for Oprah?
Now that we have Donald Trump, everything seems possible.
Reporters asked the White House today for their response to a potential Oprah candidacy. Team Trump said, we welcome the challenge whether it be Oprah Winfrey or anybody else. Preferably not anybody else.
I mean, with Trump’s approval rating right now, I don’t think he could beat Maury Povich for president, never mind Oprah!
But the president was supposed to host his own awards show tonight, the fake news awards that he announced would be presented tonight at 5 o’clock. They’ve been postponed until next Wednesday, which is — you know, postponing his own awards show is an odd and out of character move for a man who consistently delivers his promises in a very timely fashion.
I guess it’s because he had to be in Atlanta tonight for the college football national championship game. The Georgia Bulldogs are playing the Alabama Crimson Tide. Trump was rooting for Alabama, for the Crimson Tide, because that’s what he calls his face.
Jan. 9: Anybody watch the college football championship game last night? What a game. It was such a good game, I did the unthinkable. I turned off “The Bachelor” to watch it.
The Alabama Crimson Tide rallied from, I think, 13 points to beat Georgia in overtime to win their fifth national title in nine years. [shows clip of winning touchdown] The kid who threw that pass is the backup quarterback. His name is Tua Tagovailoa, I believe. What a game he had. The state of Alabama hasn’t seen a freshman scramble like that since Roy Moore visited a local high school.
Tickets for the game last night were at a minimum of $2,000. But, as part of that price you got to see President Trump try to sing our national anthem. It appears he might not know all the words to his anthem he talks about so much. [shows clip of Trump appearing to fumble lyrics] Yeah, no way he wins “Lip-Sync Battle” with a performance like that.
The only part of the song he remembers is “red glare,” because that’s also the shade of the fake tanner he uses.
He did not seem to know all the words to the anthem. But there might be a good explanation for it. You know how the president keeps telling us he’s a genius? Well, it turns out he isn’t. I know, I was surprised, too.
There’s a website called Fact Base that did an analysis of the first 30,000 words spoken in office by every U.S. president since Herbert Hoover. So they loaded all the speeches into a computer, and what their software found is that President Trump speaks at a fourth-grade level, lower than any president they’ve ever measured.
Herbert Hoover is at the top, 11th grade level. Obama was in third place with ninth grade. And then, way all the way in the back of the class in the fourth grade, there’s Donald Trump. Remember that show “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader”? He’s not.
Jan. 9: Former White House press secretary Sean Spicer said yesterday that Oprah Winfrey does not have enough political experience to run for president. I don’t know what he said next, but it had to be “Why is everybody laughing?”
According to new analysis, President Trump speaks at a fourth-grade level. But only when he doesn’t want Betsy DeVos to know what he’s talking about.
President Trump will have his first physical exam as president this Friday. That story again, Trump will have his first-ever physical exam on Friday. “It turns out I have two knees. That’s the most. I have the most possible knees.”
U2 frontman Bono said in a new interview that he thinks “music has gotten too girly.” Well, you know what they say: Opinions are like U2 albums, even when you don’t want them, Bono’s gonna give ’em to you.
An Arizona bank robber was recently arrested after he applied for a job with his local police department. They busted him after they asked “Where do you see yourself in five years?” and he said, “In jail for robbing a bank.”
Jan. 8: Anybody see last night’s episode of Oprah? Now, some people are calling it the Golden Globes. It was easily one of the most powerful, moving, meaningful nights of beautiful millionaires giving each other trophies. And Oprah gave a speech that was moving, even for Oprah.
People were immediately calling the speech presidential. And a year ago, I would have agreed. But these days it plays a little coherent.
Now, Oprah’s denying any political ambitions, but two of her close friends told CNN she is “actively thinking” about running for president. That’s interesting. I would love to hear that the State of the Union is “Stro-ong! Whoo!”
But a note of caution: Do we really want to elect another billionaire TV star? Granted, this one is actually a billionaire and actually a TV star.
That said, one of the things that inspires me most about Oprah is that I believe she’s reasonable enough to consider the possibility that being a billionaire TV star doesn’t necessarily qualify you to have the launch codes. Then again, if we did go toe to toe with North Korea, I bet she could calm Kim Jong-un down just by helping him lose weight.
It’s a point system. It’s all points, right? You can eat anything you want! I love pasta! I love kimchi, I love all of it!
Jan. 9: Congratulations to the Alabama Crimson Tide, who, last night, beat the Georgia Bulldogs to win the college football championship. It’s the best thing to happen to Alabama since not electing Roy Moore. Good for you! That’s two in a row!
Today, President Trump held a bipartisan meeting on immigration reform, focused mainly on reforming our policy of having immigrants.
The stakes are high. If the two sides can’t find a compromise the federal government is going to shut down on January 20, or as historians call it: one year too late.
They had the meeting this afternoon and they did it in kind of an exceptional way. Hadn’t seen this before. They held an open meeting and let cameras in for the negotiations. They don’t even let cameras into “The Bachelor” fantasy suite when they’re engaging in “bipartisan negotiations.”
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
Click HERE for the most current update.
• • • • •
The father who posted this video of his daughter with a cell phone on YouTube originally titled it “The Making of a Woman” until his wife logged in and viewed the clip. A short time later the video had a new title and the husband was recovering from a broken leg, broken arm, two black eyes and several contusions, proving once again that some wives don’t share the same sense of HUMOR as their husbands. (1:08)
• • • • •
Remember the lyrics to Dean Martin’s hit song “That’s Amore?” Well these aren’t them; not even close. But the title and the words do fit THIS video clip Don Hale sent in. (3:14)
• • • • •
Noel Lanctot says he never ran across someone as clever as the guy these two Scottish cops were chasing. Check THIS out. (1:25)
• • • • •
• • • • •
Lumpy likes THIS short Harley commercial even though he rides a Beemer, or at least he used to. (0:30)
• • • • •
Want to be a crane operator in Germany? Alice Murphy says you have to pass THIS competency test by using one to make a hot dog and feeding it to the examiner. (1:00)
• • • • •
This recent rescue of a Golden Lab by Eldad and Lisa already resulted in a forever HOME for the pooch. (5:03)
~ ~ ~
A homeless Mom and her Babies were the subject of this RESCUE by the Hope for Paws crew. (5:27)
~ ~ ~
The third rescue we are covering this week was about an abandoned senior German Shepherd that sought refuge under a car until Lisa coaxed her out from under the VEHICLE with a cheeseburger. Now she has friends of several species. (3:34)
• • • • •
After he cuts down his walnut tree, Lumpy says he’s going to get his money’s worth out of his chain saw by using it to go ice skating like the guy in THIS. Can you picture the Secretary/Treasurer of the PBA qualifying as a candidate for an upcoming Darwin Award? We can. (1:02)
• • • • •
Only 10 percent of you will remember THIS hack next time you need to secure a band-aid to an injured finger. Will you be one of them? (0:39)
• • • • •
Will fire trucks like this one ever become a reality? If so, only your children or grandchildren will be around to SEE it. (2:07)
• • • • •
• • • • •
If you have ever been to New York City you are already aware that the natives speak a little different than the rest of the country. They seem to get mad easy and are often impatient. As an example, we present THIS back-and-forth between an air traffic controller at JFK and the pilot of CHINA AIR 981. (Audio only) (1:45)
• • • • •
Ever wonder what the inside of one of these modern lifeboats looks like. Take a peek and we think you will be suitably impressed, especially if you were to find yourself in the middle of the ocean and have to ABANDON ship. (4:35)
• • • • •
If you are going to show off by buying, leasing or renting a Lambo, make sure you are not so freakin’ fat that you can’t get out of the supercar without HURTING yourself. (0:21)
• • • • •
If THIS has ever happened to you, we’ll wager that it only happened once. (0:33)
• • • • •
We are closing this second edition of the Farsider for 2018 with an item we ran several years ago. It’s something that every American should see and hear as a refresher about what our country is about, especially those professional jocks who like to get THEIR knees dirty. (11:38)
• • • • •
Pic of the Week
THE FARSIDER SUBSCRIPTION ROSTER as of 1/11/18
Additions and changes since the last published update (alphabetical by last name):
Ryan Burke — Added
Joe DeBoard — Added
Frank Dominguez — Added
Fran Ratliff — Added
To receive the email address of anyone on the list — or to receive the roster with all of the email addresses — send your request to <firstname.lastname@example.org>.
Abram, Fred & Connie
Allen, Chaplain Bryan
Alvarez, Pat (Campbell)
Babineau, Dave & Cheryl
Bray, Mary Ellen
Bridgen, Betty Ruth
Brown Jr., Bill
Burroughs, (Bronson) Utta
Carr Jr., John
Carrillo, Jaci Cordes
Clark, Bill (the one who stayed)
Embry (Howsmon), Eva
Foulkes [Duchon], Louise
Gonzalez, D. (formerly D. Avila)
Guido, Jr., Jim
Guido, Sr. Jim
Hare, Caren (Carlisle)
Harnish, Mary (Craven)
Horton, Debbie (McIntyre)
Howsmon, (Jr.) Frank
Howsmon (Sr.), Frank
Hunter, Dick (via daughter Kim Mindling)
Inami, Steve & Francine
Johnson, Tom & Fran
Klein, Lou Anna
Leonard (Lintern), Lynda
Muldrow, Mark “Mo”
O’Carroll, Diane (Azzarello)
Perry (Cervantez), Martha
Rappe (Ryman), Bonnie
Reyes (Buell), Cindy
Schenini (Alvarez), Joanne
Taves, Phil & Paula
Terry, Glenn & Maggie
Vallecilla, Ernie & Peggy
Van Dyck, Lois
Williams [Durham], Lanette
Windisch Jr., Steve