The Farsider is an independent
publication that is not affiliated with the San Jose Police Benevolent
Assn. The SJPBA has allowed the Farsider to be included on its website solely for the convenience of
the retired San Jose Police community. The content of this newsletter does not represent or reflect
the views of the San Jose Police Benevolent Association's Board of Directors or its membership.
RETIRED OFFICER ROD AVERY
Born Aug. 28, 1946
Appointed Nov. 29, 1971
Retired April 1, 1992
Died Jan. 20, 2019
Information on Rod’s passing is sketchy as of press time. All we know came from David Bacigalupi when we were included in an email Baci sent out that read: “I just got a note from Larry Gosch. Rod Avery died last night. He apparently collapsed and never recovered. Will get more details soon.”
Baci managed to receive a little more information late yesterday (Wed.) afternoon which confirmed that Rod collapsed at his Placerville residence this past Sunday and never regained consciousness. His wife Chris was home at the time. Efforts to contact her for more information have not yet been successful. From what is known at this time, the cause of death has not been determined, and it's likely that an autopsy will take a few days.
More details will be forthcoming. If anyone has more information please forward it to us so we can share it with the rest of the SJPD Family.
Move along please...nothing to see here.
This item appeared on the op/ed page of the Mercury News. Why is it relevant to our Police & Fire Retirement Plan? Because any action by newly elected Gov. Gavin Newsmen could potentially impact ALL public employee pension systems in the state.
Gov. Newsom Serious About Taming State’s Pension Costs?
By Daniel Borenstein — East Bay Times Editorial Page Editor
Mercury News — Jan. 22, 2019
Gavin Newsom deserves credit for his unprecedented proposal to pay down California’s pension debt. But don’t kid yourself: The amount is a pittance compared to the overall shortfall of the state’s retirement funds.
The real test will be whether the new governor supports fundamental and essential pension law changes sought by his predecessor, Jerry Brown, to stem the escalating costs for the state and local governments.
During the campaign, Newsom opposed Brown’s legal push, which is currently pending before the state Supreme Court. But now that he’s in office, Newsom says he’s evaluating the case.
The fundamental problem is that the pension and retiree health benefits promised to public employees in California are more generous than the state and local governments can afford.
Compounding the problem, state and local officials have failed to set aside adequate money to finance them. They have instead relied heavily on overoptimistic investment earnings forecasts to bolster the funds.
As a result, Newsom has inherited a staggering $257 billion shortfall in state and school workers’ pension and retiree health care funds. It’s money the state should have now to cover, after investment returns, future benefits.
That $257 billion debt is 37 percent higher than when Brown took office eight years ago. That’s right: For all his insistence that he was a pension reformer, despite his claims to have wiped out state debt, and despite California’s tremendous economic recovery during his tenure, Brown left the state with more retirement debt than when he took office. What makes this debt so insidious is that it’s money owed for benefits employees already earned with past labor. Like any other benefit, the money should have been set aside when the employees performed the work. It should have been treated just like salary or any other compensation.
Instead, the state is stretching the debt out for decades, making our children and grandchildren pay for government services we’ve already received.
So Newsom’s proposal, announced this month, to pay down the debt by $6.4 billion using one-time money in the current and upcoming fiscal year budgets is a positive step. But it’s just 2.5 percent of the debt.
Meanwhile, the debt will likely grow. The state’s pension funds continue to overestimate how much they expect to earn on investment of money they do have — and when those investments fall short taxpayers are on the hook to make up the difference.
There are two solutions: First, tamp down the overly optimistic investment predictions, which would mean asking employees and already-strapped employers, especially local governments, to put even more money into the system.
Newsom, during the campaign, seemed to favor that approach. He was explicit during an editorial board interview with us in April that he considered the 7 percent annual earnings assumptions used by CalPERS to be overly optimistic. He’s right. Even the pension system’s own consultant says a 6.2 percent forecast is more likely over 10 years.
What Newsom wasn’t clear about is where state and local government would get the money to responsibly fund the system. Second, reduce the cost of the benefits. Unfortunately, when it comes to pension benefits in California, that’s very difficult due to a series of misguided state Supreme Court rulings dating back to 1947.
The high court has said that, unlike in the private sector, once public employees start work, the rate and the terms under which they accrue pension benefits cannot be reduced.
Under the so-called California Rule, benefits workers have already earned could not be reduced — which is only fair — and the rate at which workers earn benefits for future labor is also locked in — which is misguided. We don’t predetermine salary, but we do predetermine pension accrual rates.
The reality is that these benefits are generally too expensive for state and local government to afford. As the state’s watchdog Little Hoover Commission said in a prescient 2011 report, the problem cannot be substantially eased without reducing future benefit accrual rates for current employees.
Brown was challenging the rigidity of the California Rule when his term ended. The first of a string of cases was argued in December and a state Supreme Court ruling is expected soon.
Newsom, during that April editorial board interview, disagreed with Brown and declared his support for the California Rule. However, when I asked him about it this month, Newsom said he was evaluating his legal position.
Where he lands on that will determine whether he wants to truly tame the state’s retirement costs or fiddle on the margins.
Daniel Borenstein is the East Bay Times Editorial Page Editor. Reach him at <email@example.com>.
THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF SAN JOSE AND THE SJPD
Nothing to see here, either. Please move on...
I’m sorry to report the passing of Det. Sgt. Jack Giroud, age 86, a longtime friend of San Jose PD and mentor to most of our own robbery detectives.
Jack spent 51 years at LAPD, the majority of that time working robbery. He spent many years working with the late SJPD Sgt. Larry Darr and myself teaching robbery investigation at San Jose State University’s POST ICI program.
Jack slipped away quietly on Saturday evening, Jan. 5th while Lou Riccard and I sat with him telling Giroud stories, joking and laughing. Although he was medicated and appeared to be sleeping, we all felt that he could hear everything. Many of his pals called over the last few days and talked to him by way of cell phone speakers to say goodbye. His family was also with him to give him comfort. I know Jack was able to hear what everyone had to say and departed knowing his many friends loved him, valued his friendship and are better people for it.
Jack was the last living founder of the California Robbery Investigators Association and remained an active life member of the Executive Board of Directors. He was the first recipient of the Jack Giroud Mr. Robbery Award, obviously named in his honor.
Jack made everyone regardless of rank, seniority or position feel they were an equal and welcome. His name would open doors all over the country and he seemed to know everyone and was always willing to share his knowledge and professional connections with both public and private industry.
A celebration of life will be held at the Glendale Elks, on Saturday, March 30th at 4: pm. Contact me for more information.
Jack Baxter <firstname.lastname@example.org>
• • • • •
Today's Merc has an obit for Edward “Spikes High” Larson who was a K-9 trainer for our Dept.
Doug (Bergtholdt) <email@example.com>
Eagle-eyed Douglas was right. I check the obits each day looking for a familiar name, and because Edward Larson was unfamiliar to me I skipped right over it. This is the obit that Doug caught and I didn’t.
“Spikes High” Larsen
Resident of Sonora, CA
My father was born March 26, 1936 and grew up in San Francisco. During his senior year in high school he was scouted by the New York Giants baseball team. Instead of a career in baseball, he chose to get married and serve his country, becoming an MP in the U.S. Marine Corp. He found his passion for caring and training German Shepherds and Golden Retrievers, which included helping train dogs for Guide Dogs for the Blind and the SJPD K-9 Unit.
Ed loved his wife, Genny, their kids, grand kids, dogs, camping and the game of baseball.
At 82 years old on December 10, 2018 a heart attack took his life, not his spirit. Rest In Peace Dad. I love you.
• • • • •
Attending George Payton's memorial service got me to thinking back to the 1960s and ’70s. One of my memories was attending the dedication ceremony for the opening of the PAB in 1970. I tried to do some initial research on it but could not locate anything online. I hope that some of the Farsider readers have more background facts and can fill in what it was like that day at SJPD.
A 50th PAB anniversary event on the same date in 2020 seems appropriate for recognition of all the officers, staff members and victims who have passed thru those doors and hallways over the decades.
I was in the crowd that day representing SJCC Campus Police just before going in the Army. A group of us were there in street clothes, including Chuck Lintern and Jim Baggott (both deceased) as well as Jim North and I think Rick Botar. I clearly recall that then-Governor Ronald Reagan and Chief Blackmore were at the top of the steps giving speeches. Protestors were also there, and at some point I saw eggs flying over my head from the back of the parking lot and headed towards the speakers. Plainclothes detectives swiftly dragged the offenders away to an unknown location. I suspect others can add more enlightening details.
Stephen L. D'Arcy <firstname.lastname@example.org>
I think it’s safe to assume that several Farsider readers were present and in uniform when the PAB officially opened its doors on that day in 1970. Anyone want to volunteer some info?
• • • • •
Bill & Leroy,
Regarding the passing of an icon,
Our department is so fortunate to have had so many great people who helped make us the greatest police department in America. George was perhaps the greatest of them all. As an instructor, he was simply the best. Many of us got into law enforcement because of him. He made his classes so interesting and enjoyable that we decided to choose a career in law enforcement, and many of his former students rose through the ranks to leadership positions.
George’s books are in just about every police department in the U.S. In fact, an old copy of his "Patrol Procedures" book can be found in a display case in a museum in Yuba College in Marysville.
Of the several memories of George’s classes I can recall one was very traumatic. It began when former SJPD Officer Jerry “Fig” Newton came into the class and announced that “Our president had been shot and killed.” Why, I wondered, would anyone kill our college president? Then Jerry clarified it by saying that "President Kennedy had just been assassinated.” All of us were shocked and stunned, including George. He he choked up and excused us so we could rush to our cars and get updates on our car radios.
Many years later, when I was the Reserve Director, I worked with George while he was still a member of the SJPD Reserve. He was always a humble man and always there to help. He never acted like he knew more than anyone else, although it was obvious that he did. I later used to stop by and visit him at his home when I worked old District Paul, On one occasion George gave me an autographed copy of his latest textbook.
So it is indeed a sad farewell to one of our best of the best.
Dennis McKenzie <email@example.com>
• • • • •
Please consider sharing this special report from the One America News network (OAN). It shows how the British people in the city of Birmingham will soon be outnumbered by Muslim migrants and how they are paying the cost of the British government’s largess. Could it happen here in the U.S.? If we continue to bury our collective heads in the sand and wind up with open boarders like many Democrats want, the answer is yes. (The video is attached).
Talking Points <firstname.lastname@example.org>
The video is indeed scary, TP, but I’ve seen and republished news reports similar to this in the past. The major problem is that our society has become so handcuffed by political correctness that the mainstream media and even our cable news shows are fearful of broadcasting these types of reports for fear of being labeled racist, and that also includes Fox News to a large degree. Just as Robert Murdoch filled a niche by creating Fox News for conservatives years ago, OAN has gone that extra mile by putting political correctness on the back burner and ignoring the fear of falsely being labeled racist.
Yes, if nothing changes here in the U.S. and the left wing of the Democratic party reigns supreme, and there is no longer any control at our borders, I can see what is happening in the UK happening here. In fact, I see it as a virtual guarantee.
Readers can click HERE to view the OAN special report sent in by TP. The video was posted last July.
• • • • •
Captain Dave Tindall in BOI is preparing a presentation for the state Robbery-Homicide Investigators Association and would like to obtain some photos of San Jose Homicide-Robbery detectives "in action” for a video presentation he is putting together. I have provided him with some photos from the Historical Society; if anyone can provide additional images he would be very grateful to receive them. They can be emailed or sent to me. Time is short, however, and he needs any submitted photos by the end of the month if possible.
Sgt. John Carr #3335 <Johnjr.Carr@sanjoseca.gov>
SJPD Vehicle Crimes Unit 408-277-4631
EMERALD SOCIETY NEWS
RSVP FOR THE PBA DINNER DEAL OF THE YEAR:
THE PBA VALENTINE’S DAY DINNER DANCE
—RSVP now and pay at the door—
—Bring your Neighbors, Friends, Relatives, Your Choice—
Members: $25 per couple — Second Couple $25
(Maximum of one additional couple per PBA member)
$50 total for luscious Hors d’oeuvres, Open Bar,
Unlimited Wine, and Prime Rib & Salmon for four
Saturday, Feb. 9th
MUST RSVP by, Monday, Feb. 4th, but can pay at the door
Doors open at 6:00 — Dinner at 7:00 — Dancing to 11:00 p.m.
POA Hall, 1151 N. Fourth St.
Hors d'oeuvres aplenty
Entrees: Your choice of Salmon and/or hand-carved Prime Rib
Hosted Bar with Wine on the Tables
Dancing to your kind of music following dinner
Photo Booth to record your memories
Make checks payable to the "SJPBA" and mail to:
P.O. Box 42
San Jose, CA 95103
Or pay at the door with a prior RSVP by Monday, Feb. 5th
Questions or to RSVP, e-mail President Ernie Alcantar at <email@example.com>
or Secretary/Treasurer Lumpy Lundberg at <firstname.lastname@example.org>
WYSUPH TAKES A WELL EARNED REST — ALCANTAR IS THE NEW PBA PRESIDENT
After spending nearly the past 20 years as a Board member, Vice President then President of the SJPBA for the past 10 years, Dave Wysuph has turned over the presidential duties of the organization to Ernie Alcantar. He took office on Jan. 1st and is accompanied by Vice President Steve Windisch, Secretary-Treasurer Lumpy Lundberg and Sgt. at Arms Bob Moir, all of whom have held their respective positions for many, many years.
Current Executive Board members for 2019 have not yet been appointed.
On behalf of the membership, we want to express are gratitude to former President Dave Wysuph for the many years he has steered the PBA on a straight and narrow course. He more than deserves a rest, he is deserving of our gratitude.
Ernie Alcantar — Steve Windisch — Lumpy Lundberg — Bob Moir
THE MMOC COPPING FEED IS BACK
Click HERE for a larger image of the flyer.
ORANGE COUNTY JUDGE BLOCKS RELEASE OF POLICE PERSONNEL FILES
David Byers received and sent in this article as a response to the new law that allows the opening of police I.A. files to virtually anyone…
Co. Sheriff’s Union Wins Court Order Blocking Release of Deputy Disciplinary
Files Under New Law
—Union and news organizations disagree over retroactivity of the law—
By Tony Savedra — Orange County Register — Jan. 17, 2019
A recruit makes some uniform adjustments before the
swearing-in ceremony for incoming Orange County
Sheriff Don Barnes in Tustin on Monday, January 7, 2019.
The union representing Orange County sheriff’s deputies won a court stay Thursday blocking the release of disciplinary files under a state police transparency law that took effect Jan. 1.
Superior Court Judge Nathan Scott granted the temporary order and scheduled a full hearing for Feb. 7.
The Association of Orange County Deputy Sheriffs, following a trend by other police unions in California, contends the law should not be enforced retroactively — meaning documents relating to events before 2019 would remain secret.
At least five unions, including one representing San Bernardino County sheriff’s deputies, have obtained or are seeking court action to stop police departments from complying retroactively with the statute, which was intended to break more than 40 years of police secrecy.
Authored by state Sen. Nancy Skinner, D-Berkeley, the law allows the release of personnel records and disciplinary files for police officers involved in the use of deadly force, sustained sexual assault and sustained dishonesty, such as evidence tampering. The statute, however, is silent on whether it should be enforced retroactively.
Attorney Jacob A. Kalinsky, representing the Orange County union, argued in court papers that the law would have addressed retroactivity if that’s what the Legislature wanted.
“Senate Bill 1421 does not contain any express provision or language requiring retroactivity or any clear indication that the Legislature intended the statute to operate retroactively … with respect to peace officer personnel records and information which arose out of incidents involving peace officer conduct occurring prior to January 1, 2019,” Kalinsky wrote.
After the ruling, Kalinsky said it was “the responsible thing for the court to do.”
The union’s effort to block compliance is being opposed by the county of Orange and attorneys for Voice of OC, the Los Angeles Times and Southern California Public Radio.
Attorney Kelly Aviles, representing the three news media organizations, accused the union in court of trying to do “an improper end run around the procedures in the Public Records Act.”
The Orange County Register is one of 11 organizations that are seeking records from the Sheriff’s Department under the new law, which replaces protections set in the mid-1970s to keep police disciplinary records secret out of fear they would damage criminal cases and encourage lawsuits.
AN EXCELLENT EXAMPLE OF FAKE NEWS
—Covington High School Students Falsely Accused by Main Stream Media—
Turns out that Nathan Phillips, the Native American who was beating his drum while it appeared that he and a 16-year-old Covington High School student were engaged in a stare-down wasn’t what the media made him out to be as the article from the National Review below explains. Because of its length, we are going to provide you with the first two paragraphs, followed by a link you can click on if you want to continue with the story.
Or you can click on any of the following media outlets for the truth about Phillips...
Phillips’s Interview with CNN is Full of Falsehoods, Inconsistencies, and
Nathan Phillips on CNN
By David French — Jan. 22, 2019 — National Review
As I wrote on the home page today, it’s disturbing to see the left-wing hate that is still being directed at the Covington Catholic students — days after the initial framing of the story was thoroughly debunked. Judging from the vitriolic online responses to my piece, it’s apparent that many folks on the left are basing their understanding of the incident by still taking Nathan Phillips entirely at his word about the incident. They credit his good intentions. They credit his good faith. And they credit his version of the story.
This is a grave mistake. As my colleague Kyle Smith documented in a viral piece this weekend, in his initial account of the event, Phillips gave substantially different accounts to the Washington Post and the Detroit Free Press. But the inconsistencies don’t stop there. Perhaps his longest statement is contained in this CNN interview, and — quite frankly, it’s simply incredible. There’s an alarming number of falsehoods, inconsistencies, and nonsensical statements. For example, there’s the interesting question of his alleged service in Vietnam (the Washington Post reported today that he served in the Marines from 1972 to 1976 but was not deployed). In the transcript, he appears to falsely state that he served in Vietnam twice:
Click HERE to continue with the article.
THINKING OF A HIGH PAYING PART-TIME JOB OF TRANSPORTING WEED?
Why is the CHP Arresting Marijuana Delivery Drivers?
By Andrew Sheeler — Sacramento Bee
Mercury News — Jan. 22, 2019
Cannabis may be legal in California, but the new rules of the road are so confusing that even former California Highway Patrol officers are struggling with them.
That became clear on a September morning when a pair of former CHP officers who now run a licensed cannabis distribution business found themselves arrested after a traffic stop on Interstate 5 in Stanislaus County.
Rick Barry, 48, and Brian Clemann, 47, were released from custody in Merced hours later, but the CHP kept the $257,000 the two men were transporting and handed it over to the Department of Homeland Security, according to a lawsuit filed in Merced County Superior Court.
Barry and Clemann also are suing the CHP in San Francisco Superior Court, where they’re seeking a ruling directing state and local governments not to interfere with the legal distribution of marijuana.
“It appears the CHP will stop at nothing to disrupt the lawful and legal transport of items involved in the medicinal cannabis industry,” Barry and Clemann said in a press release.
Their predicament underscores one of the key challenges that cannabis distributors face a year after a California law legalizing recreational marijuana took effect.
Marijuana may be legal in California, but it’s still an illicit substance under federal law and people in the business run the risk of time in custody or lost product if they run afoul of local authorities.
State and local governments also want to prevent illegal marijuana distributors, such as black market growers and drug cartels, from operating easily.
The California Office of Administrative Law last week handed down a ruling that sought to clarify how distributors should move about the state. Its decision upheld a Bureau of Cannabis Control regulation that states “a delivery employee may deliver to any jurisdiction within the State of California provided that such delivery is conducted in compliance with all delivery provisions of this division.”
Bureau Chief Lori Ajax said in a statement that “These approved regulations are the culmination of more than two years of hard work by California’s cannabis licensing authorities.”
But the ruling was unpopular among long governments that wanted to retain influence over how marijuana is sold in their jurisdictions. Its opponents included the League of California Cities and the California Police Chiefs Association.
“We are deeply concerned with the adoption of the new cannabis regulations, which allow for the delivery of cannabis anywhere in the state. We are already having trouble enforcing a new and complex industry, and this allowance will only make enforcement even more difficult,” California Police Chiefs Association President David Swing said.
The CHP hasn’t slowed down in cannabis seizures since legalization. In fact, the department seized nearly eight tons of cannabis between January and November of 2018. That’s almost double the amount of cannabis the CHP seized in 2017, and the most it has taken in a calendar year since 2014.
CHP spokeswoman Jaime Coffee said in an email interview that “in order to legally transport cannabis in California for commercial purposes, a person must possess the appropriate (Bureau of Cannabis Control) license and comply with the BCC administrative regulations.”
That means state officers remain on the lookout for black market operators.
Barry and Clemann, the former CHP officers who now own Eureka-based Wild Rivers Transport, weren’t transporting cannabis when they were stopped on Sept. 6, 2018. Their vehicle was searched when a police canine detected cannabis during the traffic stop, according to their lawsuit.
The cannabis distributors acknowledge they left the CHP on bad terms after careers there that lasted more than a decade, Clemann said. The CHP in 2015 accused Clemann of burglarizing an evidence room. A jury in 2016 found him not guilty, according to the Del Norte Triplicate.
Barry and Clemann went into business together in 2017. Clemann in an interview said he and his partner resolved only to deal with “white market” cannabis companies when they opened their distribution company.
“We make sure they’re a licensed company,” he said. “We do our research, then we transport from A to B.”
On the day of the arrest, Barry and Clemann were collecting a payment for cannabis oil. Clemann said he and his partner carried their distribution license from the Bureau of Cannabis Control.
Clemann said he and Barry identified themselves as “prior” CHP officers when an officer pulled them over. Clemann said the officer accused them of lying about their status. Clemann said the officer appeared to mishear “prior” as “retired.”
The difference between the two words can be significant to law enforcement officers. “Retired” generally means the former officer left the department in good standing after a full career and is receiving a pension.
“Prior” can connote the former officer left the department after a shorter career and in varied circumstances.
The CHP published a press release after the arrest that said Barry and Clemann called themselves retired police officers. It also said Barry and Clemann were arrested on suspicion of illegal possession of concealed firearms and possession of more than $100,000 derived from the unlawful sale, possession for sale, transportation or manufacturing of a controlled substance.
Neither Barry nor Clemann has been charged with a crime, court records show.
Wild Rivers Transport is a member of the Eureka Chamber of Commerce. Its business license is suspended by the California Franchise Tax Board because it failed to file a tax return on time and it has an outstanding balance of $250, according to the department.
Kumin, the attorney representing Barry and Clemann, said in an email interview that “the fundamental issue here is whether the CHP is going to follow the will of the voters of California and the Legislature and stop cooperating with federal authorities in the ongoing federally instigated war on cannabis.”
OPENING DOORS TO LEAVE CALIFORNIA
Submitted by Bill Yarbrough
The great state of Democratic California has once again opened a giant door to force the good people of this state to pack up and run from an out-of-control dictatorial government controlled social state.
Have you read the new penalties for traffic fines in California? Gas tax, registration fees and jail time all have increased to the point that an already over populated prison system will be increased.
State income tax is one of the highest in the nation. Property tax is one of the highest in the nation. Sales tax is one of the highest in the nation. Now traffic fines are one of the highest in the nation.
None citizens, illegal immigrants, felons, and the homeless have the vote to make the once great state of California a third world government-controlled state.
The rich, the politicians, and Hollywood all live behind tall walls, behind guarded gates. Hidden behind their lawyers and guarded by armed guards. Most know they are not subject to the same laws and restriction of the common citizen.
Be aware that almost every native born California citizen has been forced into becoming a felon. Following Constitutional law in California can make you a felon. Owning a gun to protect yourself and your family which does not follow the hundreds of California guns laws can make you a felon.
Location, location, and location is the reason why California is the most difficult place to leave. Thank God for California weather. Without location and weather California would be only one of the fifty.
California will survive as long as they don't run out of other people's money.
Another rainy day and another rant. Now I feel better.
STORIES OF THE WEEK
From a reader
Mike was going to be married to Jane, so his father sat him down for a little chat.
He said, “Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, “Here, try these on!”
“She did and said, ‘These are too big, I can't wear them.’ “
“I replied, ‘Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.’ Ever since that night we have never had any problems.”
“Hmmm,” said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.
On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Jane, “Here try these on.’”
She tried them on and said, “These are too large, they don't fit me.”
Mike said, “Exactly, I wear the pants in this family, and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that.”
Then Jane took off her pants, and handed them to Mike. She said, “Here, you try on mine.”
He did and said, “I can't get into your pants.”
Jane said, “Exactly. And if you don't change your smart ass attitude, you never will.”
And they lived happily ever after!
• • • • •
Evening in the Nursing Home
Received from Tom McFall
Two elderly residents, a man and a woman, were alone in the lounge of their nursing home one evening.
The old man looked over and said to the elderly lady, "I know just what you want, and for $5 I'll do it with you right over there in that rocking chair."
The elderly lady looked surprised but didn't say a word.
The old man continued, "For $10 I'll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there, and for $20 I'll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life."
The elderly lady still said nothing, but after a couple of minutes she dug down into her purse, pulled out a wrinkled $20 bill and held it up.
"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," says the old man.”
"Get serious," she replied. "Four times in the rocking chair."
• • • • •
The Doberman and a Chihuahua
From the Archives
Two women were out for a Saturday
stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they walked down
the street the one with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to
that bar for a drink."
The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there, we've got dogs with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Sure we can, just watch and do as I do."
They walked over to the bar and the woman with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
"Yes," she replied, "they're using them now. They make very good seeing-eye dogs.”
The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."
The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing the bouncer that her Chihuahua was also a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought,"What the heck,” so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.
Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman said, "But you don't understand, this is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"
To which the woman replied in a loud voice, ”What? A Chihuahua? They gave me a freakin’ Chihuahua?"
• • • • •
The CIA had a job opening
From the Archives
The CIA had an opening for an
assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done,
there were three finalists: two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her."
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes and said, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, so take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another. They heard screaming, crashing and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow.
"The gun was loaded with blanks," she said. "I had to kill him with the chair.”
WEEKLY SNOPES URBAN LEGEND UPDATE
Click HERE for what’s new.
• • • • •
"Clean up on aisle 7, and make it SNAPPY because we open in less than an hour." (0:41)
• • • • •
What is this? What does it do? And how do you work it? Stunned to learn it’s a phone, these two 17-year-olds try to figure out how it is used to make a phone call. Click HERE to view the video clip sent in by Dave Walker. (4:00)
• • • • •
If this ad received from Lumpy isn’t too risqué for the CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation), it shouldn’t be too risqué for the Farsider. Even so, be prepared to click the STOP button the moment you feel a little uneasy by what appears on the screen. (1:37)
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When we received a video clip this week from Roger Coen and reviewed it, we thought we had published it before, and a check of the Archives showed it was part of the Feb. 8, 2018 Farsider. We seldom repeat videos because there are so many available, but this one was so enjoyable that we decided to run it again. This is how it was presented back on 2/8/1…:
This clip was so spectacular that it was a natural for this week’s closer. It truly does give context to the term “gravity is overrated.” Besides, I’m a little partial to the beautiful photography of the Azores, where my grandfather was born and raised before he and his family immigrated to the town of Patterson over in The Valley. Click HERE and ride along with Jean-Baptiste Chandelier and enjoy the beautiful scenery, music and the people. (6:00)
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Four readers sent in this video of a 2018 fireworks display over Mt. Fuji which tells us the clip has gone viral. Is it good enough to justify that label? YOU be the judge. (1:46)
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We don’t speak or read Chinese, so we don’t know the title of this interesting video that is comprised of a hodgepodge of scenes. That’s why we are titling it “Interesting VISUALS of China.” (10:06)
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Here’s an interesting Guinness World Record skipping attempt we doubt you have ever seen before. Spoiler alert: It was a success and they wound up breaking their own RECORD. (1:56)
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The Hope for Paws Update
Posted on Jan. 19, 2019: This little pooch that Eldad named FERGIE managed to survive in the mountains amidst all kinds of predators, but her life was about to change dramatically. (4:30)
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Posted on May 19, 2017: This is a rescue from the past we felt was worth seeing again. It began when Eldad and Loreta responded to a report of a homeless dog (who they would name SPRING) decided to deliver her puppies at a stranger’s house. (5:27)
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Another rescue that deserves to be remembered involved a German Shepherd that had been abandoned in the desert. This is the story of VENUS, who was wary of humans and wouldn’t allow anyone to come close. (7:33)
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This week The History Guy recalls the story of “Big Nose Kate” who was more than Doc Holiday’s woman.” Sounds to us that THIS is a story that deserves to be remembered. (10:58)
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Do you have an Amazon Echo? If you do, here is list of the 20 best things to ask ALEXA according to the creator of this video. Some of Alexa's answers are funny, some are clever, and for you single guys, some will break your heart if you’ve become overly fond of her. (Not speaking from experience; I heard that from a lonely divorcee.) Click HERE to listen to her responses, but keep your computer volume real low or wear a set of earphones, otherwise she will respond when she hears her name coming from your computer, tablet or smart phone. (10:37)
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This Week’s Law Enforcement Lip Sync Challenges
First up is the CASTLE ROCK (Colorado) Police with its lip sync challenge. The only problem we have with this entry is the pitch of Miley Cyrus’ voice makes these male cops sound like The Chipmunks (remember Alvin?). Score: 8.9 (3:54)
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Detectives from the YORK (PA) Police — not to be confused with New York — are investigating a case where a sprinkled donut is the lead suspect in an apparent killing of a jelly donut. As unique as that may be — and we like uniqueness — we’re giving them a score of 9.2 because we like the music. (4:46)
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With Oceanside as my birthplace I was hoping that the OCEANSIDE Area of the CHP would put together an outstanding lip sync challenge entry. But seeing the women with mustaches was a complete turnoff. They reminded me too much of the two weeks my late wife and I spent in a particular European country back in 1995. Final comment: Take note of the microphone drop at the end as it shows up in the next video. Score: 8.0 (3:06)
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The SAN DIEGO Area of the CHP accepted Oceanside’s challenge and hit it out of the park with their remake of "Top Gun," thanks to the cooperation of the US Navy. They even had one of their traffic officers muster up a smile reminiscent of Maverick. This is definitely worth a watch, including the outakes at the end. Score: A perfect 10. (9:24)
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How low is too low? How loud is too loud? Perhaps you can form an opinion after watching THIS video. (10:08)
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This is Allec Joshua Ibay’s story about EgyptAir Flight 990 that crashed in the Atlantic in 1999 after taking off from JFK enroute to Cairo. The NTSB was convinced the pilot committed suicide and took the passengers and crew with him while the Egyptian government vehemently disagreed and claimed the plane was brought down by a mechanical problem. Click HERE to view the video. (9:38)
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This Florida Highway Patrol trooper forgot two things: 1) How hot the catalytic converter on his patrol car can get after a pursuit that reached speeds of 140 mph. And 2) How easily the cat can set fire to dry brush on the highway median. It had to have been embarrassing for the trooper to tell the speeder “You’re free to go, I’ve got BIGGER problems!” (14:48)
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We are including this clip only because you don’t see a Crown Vic Police Interceptor on the German Autobahn every day, and unless this new owner has deep pockets to pay for the gas, you may not see it on the high speed German freeway for a LONG time. (10:58)
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Want to get away from it all? Here are five isolated communities that are doable, including one that is in the Grand Canyon. But we strongly recommend you SKIP the last one which is labeled No. 1. (12:07)
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Remember a few weeks ago when the Dude Perfect guys showed us the different stereotypes of the grocery store shopper? They are back this week to show us the stereotypical skier. Perhaps you will see what we mean when you click HERE. (8:00)
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Tom Weston was spot on when he sent this clip in with a note that read “Someone had too much time on his hands.” (One could say the same about retired FBI agents too, eh Tom?) (3:44)
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Are you a conspiracy nut? Of course not. Neither am I. But this video received from Mike Thompson had me wondering if I may have misjudged myself. Rather than try to explain, it would be far easier if you would click HERE and spend a couple of minutes watching this video titled WE ARE THE PLAN. (9:10)
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We haven’t been entertained by a Flash Mob in a while, so let’s see who we have standing by. Is that…yes…that’s the Wayzata Symphony Orchestra and the Edina Chorale getting ready to surprise the shoppers at a Minneapolis mall. Let’s find a good place to see and hear them perform. And if you know the words to “Ode to Joy,” feel free to join the Edina Chorale when they JOIN IN at the 5:32 mark. (7:06)
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Have a good week.
Pic of the Week
THE FARSIDER SUBSCRIPTION ROSTER as of 1/24/19
Additions and changes since the last published update:
Rob Reek — Address change
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Abram, Fred & Connie
Allen, Chaplain Bryan
Alvarez, Pat (Campbell)
Babineau, Dave & Cheryl
Bray, Mary Ellen
Bridgen, Betty Ruth
Brown Jr., Bill
Burroughs, (Bronson) Utta
Carr Jr., John
Carrillo, Jaci Cordes
Clark, Bill (the one who stayed)
Embry (Howsmon), Eva
Foulkes [Duchon], Louise
Gonzalez, D. (formerly D. Avila)
Guido, Jr., Jim
Guido, Sr. Jim
Hare, Caren (Carlisle)
Harnish, Mary (Craven)
Horton, Debbie (McIntyre)
Hunter, Dick (via daughter Kim Mindling)
Inami, Steve & Francine
Johnson, Tom & Fran
Klein, Lou Anna
Leonard (Lintern), Lynda
Marozick, Chief Jeff
Martinez, Jr., Raul
Muldrow, Mark "Mo"
O'Carroll, Diane (Azzarello)
Perry (Cervantez), Martha
Rappe (Ryman), Bonnie
Reyes (Buell), Cindy
Schenini (Alvarez), Joanne
Taves, Phil & Paula
Terry, Glenn & Maggie
Vallecilla, Ernie & Peggy
Van Dyck, Lois
Williams [Durham], Lanette
Windisch Jr., Steve